every day i'm hurdling.

Is that even a word?

Just returned from our appointment with Dr. J. Again,we are so impressed and at ease with his level of confidence in our chances. After today's appointment, we have a more clear picture of what may be happening every month. Looks like I'm not ovulating...even with the Clomid. My follicles aren't maturing at a rate that produces an egg. This month, with the help of the larger dose of Clomid, the initial stimulation was excellent and right on track. However, since Friday, the growth has stalled and my follicles are now only measuring around 16, 13 and 12 (remember, ovulation usually happens between 16-20mm at the earliest).

So what are we doing; what's next? Dr. J sent us home with injections of Follistim that I will give myself for the next two days. The shots give the follies extra FSH they need to keep growing at a rate of 1-2mm per day. Think of it as shots of Clomid given straight to the ovaries. I'm returning to his office on Wednesday for another shot that will trigger ovulation and then our IUI will likely happen on Thursday. Then, we leave town on Friday morning to head to the aTx.

My head is feeling foggy. I'm distressed by the lack of growth, but hopeful and optimistic at the same time. I like that we are doing everything we can at EVERY step of the way. I like that we are being monitored. It gives you less time to worry when you know what's going on. Jay is the best pep talker. After the doctor left our patient room, he asked me how I felt about everything. I said I was a little sad, but comfortable with the shots. He said he was just as confident that we have a good chance. He also pointed out something that I hadn't really noticed until this trip to SMF. We are by far the youngest couple in the office at any given time. We've got time and youth on our side, and everything else is perfectly healthy. I've got a hospitable environment for a developing fertilized egg. There is no issue with Jay's side of the equation at all. We've got great doctors.

I'm not excited about giving myself shots. In fact, I asked Jay if he thought he could give them to me. His response? "Oh god no, I'd pass out. I feel like passing out just thinking about it." What a stud. ;) I don't blame him. I'm feeling the same way. I'm waiting for my blood results to come back, and then they'll give me the "go ahead" for the Follistim.

For now, we are building Lego towers, making grape Jello, and painting our craft snakes we HAD to have from our Michael's shopping trip this weekend. Gotta say, I feel like I'm living the charmed life lately, despite all these hurdles.

Post edit: Neg LH test today. Injection wasn't so bad. I chickened out right before, and Scout was being needy at the time and I had to go into the bathroom and shut the door. As soon as I got in there, I gave myself a pep-talk and did it. I think I was more nervous about getting something wrong than I was about the actual pain. Jay got nauseous and had to sit on the couch at the thought of me doing it. Poor guy...

Another negative day. Still what I expected.

I'm feeling a few sharp pains every now and again....in both sides. But nothing that is too painful. I was also feeling a little dizzy earlier, but that's passed. We are taking it easy this weekend. Or, I guess, I am taking it easy.

Jay and I wanted to get a sitter last night so we could go on a date. We have a gift card for the Penthouse in Santa Monica that we haven't used yet. We couldn't get a sitter, but JBarton had a little surprise up his sleeve. He returned from the grocery store with salads, steaks, sides, desserts, and wine. We fed Scout her dinner, put her to bed and then had our own date night at home. We cleaned up and dressed nice (Lordy, I even got out of my yoga pants and into a dress!). We wanted to celebrate this time together.

The months ahead have the potential to be stressful. I could be extremely ill, like I was during the first trimester and a half of my pregnancy with Scout. We've got a few hurdles to jump and obstacles to get through, but in the end it will be all SO worth it. We can't wait for what the future holds, and last night was the perfect way to celebrate it. Mister H, you are the best. Looking forward to some more exciting news tomorrow!

Saturday

negative results today. As expected. I wasn't feeling too great last night, and went to bed pretty early. I slept pretty well, but woke up early morning with some abdominal discomfort. Nothing too bad. I can feel the growth of the follies on my right side, and that is what I believe the soreness is from...this is the side that had the largest ones.

Scout ran in our room this morning and jumped on her daddy and said "we can go to Disneyland now! I slept all by myself!" Which was hilarious at 6:45, let me tell ya. It was a cloudy, cool day all day. I stayed home and enjoyed some peace and quiet while Scout and Jay packed up and headed out the door to the Magical Kingdom. I went back to bed and slept until eleven (!!!). Then I got up and in the quiet of the condo, started getting things picked up and cleaned up. I mopped, and vacuumed (not in that order), did the dishes, and some laundry and managed to flip the couch over to get the annoying easy-skidding discs off the legs of the couch (something I've been meaning to do for about three months now). Did you know there are people in this world who pronounce the word "vacuum" like "vac-yu-um?" In the south, we say "vac-yoom." Or in my house we did.

Alright, carry on. As you were.

hjgkfhtdjcjrfcghv 2

hot flashes. grrrrrr.

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nauseous.

Another post where i rave about our REI specialist....

So relieved. So happy. So anxious. So excited. So emotional.

Today's doc appointment went marvelously. I'm so pleased with our doctor. He is so amazing. I love any experience where the person providing a service explains everything in minute detail. That sounds kinda funny. What I"m saying is: I like when my hair beautician tells me why she is cutting my hair a way that she is or coloring it the colors she thinks I should have. I love when my dentist tells me exactly what he's doing during a cavity fill or root canal. I love knowing what my REI is thinking in regards to our chances of conception this month. I love that he is a realist. He says "so we are learning a lot about you this month. We are also trying for a baby, but if nothing else, we are ultimately learning about your reproductive system. If you come back on Monday, and there's been a stall in your follicle growth, there are injections we can give you to stimulate them and push the eggs to ovulation. But you look right on track for IUI next Wednesday or so."

I'm so relieved, I can't even put it into words. And when I try, the only thing that comes out is ugly crying noises, tears and silly expressions. I've got 3-4 follicles that were measuring at about 12.5mm (CD/Cycle day 10). This is perfect. They typically grow at a rate of 1-2mm per day, and ovulation occurs as early as 16mm or as late as 20-21mm (Doc J also informed us that ovulation with Clomid patients usually happens seven days after stopping the pills---which would put us at Monday the 26th for ovulation). Our chances are looking great. I'm nervous and trying not to be too hopeful....but at the same time, positive thoughts....positive thoughts. I'm going to continue testing my LH and email them the results over the weekend and then go in on Monday for a check up to see how the follies (hehe) progressed over the weekend. Are you learning more about ovulation than you ever thought you would need to know? Good for you. :D

EDIT: Negative LH results today.

Dinner last night

We were having the same battle we've had every meal time for the last, oh I dunno....3 years.

J & me: Scout, eat your dinner.

J & me: Scout, eat your dinner.

J & me: Scout, eat your dinner. and stop playing.

Scout: I want to play with my metal detector. How many bites do I have to eat? Jack (her imag. friend today) ate all his dinner. And his mommy flies. No, I'm just kidding. She just walks, I guess. Mommy, get me DOWN!

J: Hey Scout (in his gentle daddy voice) If you want us to give you a baby brother or sister, you know...you're going to have to feed yourself your own food. Because mommy and daddy are going to have to feed the baby because it's a baby.

Scout: But can we go right now and get one?

J & me: *dead*

whoa

SO...
Started testing my LH today. Negative results. But that's what I expected. I'm not expecting it to be positive until this weekend, or early next week.

But I'm also crying. Ugh! Emotions. Tomorrow, we go in to measure the follicles. This is the day where we find out if the medicine really worked. Did it grow the follicles? Does it look like we are going to have a chance at IUI this month? Do we have to do the Clomid again next month? Grrr. So frustrating. I just remember the last time we went through this. We went in to measure the follicles, and they were not growing. They were smaller at day 11 than they should have been at day 2.

But, I'm going to keep with the positive thoughts. Going to hug my Clomid baby #1 and recite some affirmations. Chao!

blah wednesday

Scout and I are heading to the beach if I can get myself motivated. I've been a bit blah today....and I didn't sleep well last night. So I've basically been hanging out and falling asleep all over the place today. we shall see if the beach happens.

Night and Day

I had a wonderful night of sleep last night. I don't think I moved. I did wake up with a little bit of a headache, and a little dehydrated feeling which I think are related. There is some abdominal discomfort, but not really what I'd consider pain. But, other than that...no dizzyness...no nauseous feeling. Today, I got out of the house and drove for the first time in three days. It felt great. I was so jazzed to be out and about. Scout and I went to see Lion King with some friends...and man...I remember it being a whole lot less "doom and gloom"....the scene where Mufasa dies was a lot more tense and traumatic as a parent than as a kid. The last time I saw it I was in middle school or high school probably. The kids didn't seem too traumatized..Scout burst out with "I think he got killed. But I don't know why." She did cry during the movie, but only because I wouldn't buy her some M&Ms. Silly girl. Have I ever mentioned how she says "M&Ms?" It sounds like "un-e-uns," which I think is ha-lariously adorable. I love her.

So now, the testing game begins. In a couple of days I'll start testing for my ovulation. It's like a pregnancy test but instead of measuring HcG, it measures Lh. Now ya know. I have to start testing and call my REI's office every day with the result. I like that we are being walked through this process. Even though we've done it before, it is so comforting to have the experience of the doctor telling you what you are doing is correct or just having a nurse to double check things with and to bounce questions off of. I cannot recommend seeing a specialist enough.

Jay's tests came back okay so we are set to IUI as soon as I get a positive Lh result. Keep your fingers crossed!

Clomid Chronicles, Day 5

thank goodness for today. I'm almost done with this cycle of Clomid. No more pills, hopefully fewer side effects tomorrow. Feeling safe to drive again will be nice. Scout has been having a movie day today. Which is to say, she is fully functional as far as changing DVDs, and has been on a marathon since eight this morning. I'm feeling a bit nauseous and still really dizzy (I fell against the wall when I first got out of bed this morning). No nervous energy right now, though my fingers are making it difficult to type. I've had a dull headache off and on for about three days, but with a little Ibuprofen, it feels better. I remember that my appetite increased with this dosage the last time I took it, but this round I have been less hungry. I feel full all the time, even when my stomach is growling. There is some discomfort in my abdomen, but doesn't seen to be any bloating at this point which is good. On to the next step!

Clomid Chronicles, Day 4, pt. 2

Feeling horrible. Dizziness all day long...though it got a bit better just by walking around and trying to "fight" it.

I'm up now at midnight....trying to distract my mind. Because...right now. If I'm honest. It feels like someone is pulling on both of my arms...one in each direction. I'm tired. My body is tired. But my mind is racing. I'm emotional, I'm needy...I've been crying at the most random things. Out of no where. Nothing.

I'm thankful that I've not been ridiculously moody. No outbursts. I've been really trying to be brave with all the challenges that taking Clomid presents. It is a physical and mental drug. It has side effects that vary among the patients who take it. Want to feel discouraged? Read a single thread from a Clomid forum.

Tonight is just a bad night. I'm spiraling, but I know that it's almost over. One more day.

Clomid Chronicles, Day 4

Here we are. Day 4.

Feeling so dizzy. I can do nothing that makes the room stop spinning. Luckily, I don't feel nauseous. Just dizzy. A little out of it.

Sleep was fine last night. Nothing worse than the last couple of days. Lots of waking up, but only momentarily. Once or twice, it was the result of Scout waking up. I listened to Jay talk in his sleep again last night. He woke up and said "Noooo....it's not time yet!"

Lots of nervous energy plus dizzyness makes for some funny house cleaning. And trying to type is really hard. so, I'll put this down for now.

Clomid Chronicles, Day 3

So, day 3. Day 2 update first: around 1:00 I was feeling horrible. I spent the majority of the day between the couch and the bed, with a little time spent playing with Scout on the floor. Poor kid, she wanted to go to the park SO bad...but I could not get with the program. I felt awful, had a headache and upset stomach...then the nervous energy. I had this the last time with Clomid, and it was the side effect that made me not really want to do Clomid again. But here we are...because it is the best starting place. So yes, the nervous energy. I feel hyper active in my head...but SUPER sluggish in the body. Lethargic. I think this is what drugs must feel like. I don't know. SO...last night, Jay and I had talks about what we wanted to do this weekend. He proposed Disney. Or maybe I did..I can't remember. Either way....we ended up waking up and shooting out of bed this morning to get in the car to make it to Disneyland. Today was their Halloween opening day. It was awesome. That's another post. I told Jay that I was glad that we went because it gave me something to do with all my energy. I ignored the fact that I slept very little last night and trucked through the day. Scout was a trooper...she wanted to do a lot of new rides or rides that she previously was not thrilled about. She had a blast, and Jay and I got to ride a couple of "40 in. to ride" rides. All in all---it was a great day. I'm dreading the sleeplessness tonight...but at this point, I have to say...I've pretty much been dealing with this round of Clomid a bit better than the last time. On to day 4!

Clomid Chronicles, Day 2

Day 2 here. Woke up with an upset tummy, and a little tired. I had a little trouble sleeping last night, but nothing like the last time I was at this higher dosage. Also woke up to a rainy morning, a very nice surprise.

Realized yesterday that Dr. J gave me 100 mgs per day, not 50. So, a couple of hours after taking my first pill, I swallowed the second. Yesterday was a big day for Jay, and I'm so proud that he is my partner through this. Through this whole process, he has shown me over and over that the most important thing is his family. There is nothing that he does that isn't for us. He badly wants another baby, but more importantly, a sibling for Scout. He wants her to have that experience of growing up with your best friend and #1 nuisance.

We are amazed at this process, because it's different than anything we've done before. We are trying to keep it as organic and natural as possible, but it is hard when everything hinges on procedures, pills, ultrasounds, and blood tests. We love each other so much. I told him I had warm, fuzzy feelings about these next few months. Whether it works this month, or next...or the next, I'm just thankful that we have the opportunity to pursue this avenue. I'm thankful for our good doctor and nurses.

We are headed to Austin later this month to see my wonderful father in law before he starts his 27 month journey to Tanzania to work with the Peace Corp. It wouldn't be complete without a little snag, and we had to change our flights because our timing could not have been worse. Our IUI would have landed square in the middle of the week we were supposed to be gone. I love our families. Everyone has been so understanding of our situation, and told us "Don't worry. We'll do what we have to do to see you guys when you can get out here." That being said, we are flying to Austin the weekend before Glenn leaves, and I know that Jay already feels like it's not going to be enough time. We miss our family, and somehow seeing one of our members leave the country for a couple of years is even harder. We couldn't be more proud of him and his decision to go, but he will be missed and thought of daily.

More tomorrow....

Clomid Chronicles, Day 1

Day 1.
Woke up this morning with a nauseous stomach...but proceeded with my day. Got up and made breakfast for the family. Took vitamins (gagged a little), ate my breakfast and took the first 50 mg Clomid. Feeling fine-ish; a little tired and craving a big coffee or a nap.

Scout woke up early this morning, crying for me. Jay was still up working on a project for work, so I went into her room and asked if she wanted to come lay down with me in my bed (I never...i mean, NEVER do this anymore). She said she did, so we cuddled up in my bed. She told me she loved me (SO MUCH) and quickly fell asleep.

You never get a lot of rest when you sleep with Scout. But, the bonus is waking up to some sweet cuddles.

the prequel

so this is the night before our first clomid/iui cycle begins. the calm? before the storm? Things I'm going to do in the next five days:
1. Take Clomid, 50 ml, once a day.
2. Rest as much as possible, during the day and at night.
3. Probably cry a little.
4. Try to control my temper/irrational hormonability. I just made that word up and I LIKE it.
5. Meditate on good, peaceful, happy thoughts.
6. Cross my fingers. and toes.

p.s.: How ADORBS is my sweetie in her handpicked outfit? She wanted to wear her new "Flowery jacket" over her green "dress" and her pants. WITH the HK sneakers. love her. love her. love her.

Austin area wildfires

Our beloved home-city is being ravaged by wildfires as I type this. They started this weekend and have already burned miles of farmland, parkland and residential properties as well as some businesses. From Bastrop (in the south east) to Leander (in the north west), our friends and family were put on evacuation notice over Labor Day weekend.

I started receiving text messages and emails about whether or not our house in Pflugerville was safe. There was a fire in the neighborhood next to ours, and they were taking water from our lake to extinguish the fire. Our house was mildy in danger, but the hardworking firefighters contained it in a matter of two hours.

Here's a picture of the biggest fire in the area of Bastrop (credit to Deanna Roy who took this picture). That's Austin in the foreground.



My brother posted this only an hour before he was told they might have to evacuate their house in Leander. There was a fire across Crystal Falls Road (where their neighborhood begins) that was consuming the local Lowes. Their house lost power, and they began to gather everything that was essential and irreplaceable and throw it in their cars. My brother posted several times how surreal it was that he was having to make that decision; what to take, what to leave. He was surprised at how little he couldn't live without. How basically everything besides his wife, his kids (dogs), and his self could be easily replaced.

Thankfully, my brother didn't have to evacuate (yet) and are safe (for now). There are many that did have to evacuate...that lost everything. EVERY. THING. Here's a link to how you can help those in need:

Here's a link on how to get updates from your county (in the local Austin area counties including Bastrop, Travis, Blanco, Burnet, Caldwell, Fayete, Hays, Lee, Llano and Williamson. They'll send you a text message alerting you when to evacuate.

I read somewhere that there are already over 1200 homes that were lost to wildfires in the area as of November, and over 600 of them were lost just in the last couple of days. Keep Texas in your thoughts.

Tasty Snack

If you can read The Hunger Games and not run out and buy goat cheese and soft bread to snack on, you...my friend....have no heart. Or stomach. Or something.

Ok...going to eat my cheese and croissant.

This just happened: Saturday Morning

Jay spends all morning...literally all morning.....trying to convince me that we need to buy a new television THIS weekend. Mind you, just last night I agreed that our current plasma t.v. is going to need replacing...maybe it could be our Christmas present. Like, ease me into it...by...CHRISTMAS.

I'm resisting. Telling him it's ridiculous. I don't want to spend the money right now. No way. No how. Don't care how good the deals are right now.

He says these words. "It's 3d. It comes with two free pairs of 3D glasses. And it's $200 cheaper than normal." He measures our current television space. I can see the wheels turning. He's trying to figure out how much television he can get for his buck.

I say: "uh. I don't care. And I can't think of anything more embarrassing than sitting on our couch, with glasses on, watching television." I vacuum the rug.

Finally, after some more badgering, I give in. "Fine. Just don't tell anyone we have a 3d television." (and yes, I know, I'm here telling you all about it)

THEN. He. Measures. The. DVD. Player. The blue-ray we just got for Christmas.

You can imagine the panic that was in my voice as I say. "OH NO YOU DON'T!!"

Boys and their toys. tsk. tsk.

let's just say I saw that coming...

A FB friend of mine recently posted a picture of his three dogs with the feather extensions in their hair. Read that again. DOGS. And not to hate on you or yours if you got them, but I think they might look better on the dogs....

Interview your three year old, again.

After her begging for some delicious cocoa, made just like on Fireman Sam.

"Scout, what's cocoa?"

"It's a drink for putting marshmallows in it. It tastes like coffee. AND strawberries! And you drink it up and it makes you toasty. It's black."

Now that we have that all figured out...

Holy Cow!

Wowsers!

Just noticed that my first blog was written on August 26, 2005!

Anniversary week is crazy!

How fun was that?

Sunday, funday

Oh ya know...just hanging out with Scout, watching the VMAs.

And by "scout," I mean "rapunzel."

And by "VMAs," I mean "Lilo and Stitch."

Life as a mom is SOOOO glam.

It's like 24/7 glam.

Interview your 3 yr old.

Hey Scout, what happens when you get married?

You get some flowers. And they go all in your hair. And then, you eat birthday cake. And you put your crowns on. And you get more flowers. And everyone gets some. And you throw some flowers. And you kiss. But I'm not going to kiss. I'm just going to get married. All I have to do is not kiss.

(This question prompted by her telling me that Piglet and Eeyore were married because they went down the slide together)

Robyn is so adorbs, you guys...

but what's even cuter than a swedish pixie with a pixie cut?

Scout, in the backseat singing Robyn songs.

Lacking

Great article here to educate yourself on fertility issues.

I was going to originally just post this previous sentence. That was going to be my grand statement. But, given the secrecy/shame associated with fertility, I'm going to chronicle our journey here. To catch you up to date:

We tried on our own for a few months in the spring and summer of 2009. After a few unsuccessful months, I decided I wasn't ready for the emotional strain put on Jay and myself.

When Scout turned two in 2010, we began trying again. After more and more and more months of unsuccessful attempts, I decided that in November, I would make an appointment with my Obgyn and hopefully get a referral so that Jay and I could return to Texas Fertility Center. (I guess I should inform you that we were patients with Dr. Silverberg at TFC and successfully got pregnant after our first round of Clomid back in 2007--hence Scout).

After meeting with our Obgyn, we decided that we would do a round of Clomid through her office, and began our first round of 50ml Clomid. We had a proven track record in the form of a fierce 2 year old, and believed that it would work again because I seemed to be ovulating every month without the assistance of prescriptions. No luck. So, just before Christmas...we were aware of our very real struggle to get pregnant.

We tried again in January. We didn't want to get our hopes up. But I have to admit, when we upped the dosage to 100mls, I was expecting results. Soon after, another ultrasound with tiny follicles. Basically, my ovulation cycle is not like everyone else's. It's unpredictable and likes to keep us guessing. Not only that, but the side effects of this dosage were incredibly different. Insomnia, light-headed feelings, nervous energy/panic, and emotional outbursts...in other words, I was turned upside down for about two weeks. Not to mention the pressure of "this better be worth it."

THEN...the big news came that we were moving across the country. So, in a tearful discussion with my obgyn, in February...days before Scout's 3rd birthday...I asked what our next step was. She said that if we were staying in Austin, she would recommend we see an REI specialist. That's Reproductive Endocrinologist and Infertility specialist. Basically, they outline a plan or two and you go home to decide which route is the way to go. But since we were moving....she thought the best thing to do is to wait until we get settled in our new home and then when we were ready, head to the REI specialist.

SO...Monday. August 23rd, 2011. We went to visit Dr. John Jain at Santa Monica Fertility. Coincidentally, the pediatrician that Scout sees is in the same building....across the courtyard. Walking in, we felt at ease...the staff and the doctor were incredibly helpful. We left there with more information than we had received since TFC. We feel at ease with our decision to pursue IUI and have complete trust in the doctor and nurse that will be treating us along the way.

That being said, we have a few more hoops to jump through. There are a few tests that Jay and I have to endure before we can actually get started...but after it all...we have hope.

Happy Anniversary....

Five years ago, on this very day...I was lucky enough to marry my best friend. I say lucky, because not everyone finds what they are really looking for in a mate, marriage partner, life partner, father of their future children, etc....

Then, even if you find that needle in the haystack, you might be legally blocked from marrying them. Currently, in the United States, only 6 states plus the District of Columbia legally recognize same-sex marriages.

So many people have heartbreaking stories like this. and bittersweet stories like this. and still more, like this.

In honor of my 5 year wedding anniversary, please take a moment to check out the Human Rights Campaign. If you can give a donation, that would be great. If you get involved, even better.

Let us live and love in a world where equal opportunity is a real thing.

bedtime

holy moly, there is full-fledged 13 yr. old "you ruined it!" cryelling happening in this house.

cryelling---just made that one up. but you know what it means.

Scoutings (pt. III)

Things she's said lately:

While in the bathtub--"I need you to bring me something with more life in it. It has three points like a triangle."

After wiping off excessive amounts of lip gloss---"Awww. I'm not BEAUTIFUL anymore!"

While walking to the soccer game---"Geez MOM!"

scout's favorite number

everything is 49.

Me: Scout, how many bites have you had of dinner?
Scout: um, like, 49.

Jay: How many books do you want to read?
Scout: 49.

Me (at ikea): Scout, what are you doing?
Scout: measuring. it's, like, 49.

Jay: Scout, that's too many books.
Scout: NO! It's 49!!!

Admit to it...

Hi.
My name is Ashley.
And I'm a laundry procrastinator...

geez...

So today, I'm really excited. Actually, I got really excited on Saturday...and rushed out and spent more money on shoes than I've spent in a LONG time...at a running store...on running shoes. I know. First world problems.
But...anyway, I'm excited. Today, we are starting a new round of GAME ON!
So here's my stats:
Weigh in: 143 lbs.
How I'm Feeling: Heavy. My fat jeans have become my skinny jeans and my skinny jeans...well, they've been on their hanger for about 5 months now. The thickness in my neck is making me paranoid....and I know its just a little extra weight.
On giving up coffee: I'm missing it. Horribly. But all this water I'm drinking is helping.
Exercise for today: Running. Gotta get my $ worth, there.

theme park weekday

theme park weekday by ashleyholzer featuring flat shoes

Fat Face cross shirt
£35 - johnlewis.com

TopShop hot pants shorts
$55 - topshop.com

Flat shoes
¥17,010 - hfm.co.jp

Becky Kelso 14 karat jewelry
$830 - clay-pot.com

Michael Kors buckle jewelry
£200 - net-a-porter.com

Leaf jewelry
7.95 AUD - funaccessories.com.au

The following post is inspired by a series on the fabulous blog East Side Bride. Much love.

I've been married to the man for 5 years this August. We've always been on the fast track...engaged after 8 months of dating, married 5 months later, and pregnant with our first kiddo 9 months after that. So, our wedding was planned in a hurry. We simply couldn't wait to be married to each other. It was a beautiful (small) ceremony in South Austin with a designer dress, 100+ temperatures, oak trees, lemon curd cake, champagne toasts and rented tuxedos.
Our tastes have changed and grown over the years and given that we've recently relocated to Southern California (away from family), I think if we were to get married today...it would go something like this:
4th of July (or some other holiday where fireworks are a given): Georgetown, Tx. My venue of choice would be the family's homestead. My in-laws and their friends built a pier-and-beam house in the middle of 5 acres in the Texas hill country in the 90's. It's a bright yellow thing, with a beautiful porch, long red brick sidewalk, and cedar trees galore. I'd ideally have the ceremony performed on the porch while our guests sat on family quilts (collected over the years) draped over hay bales. I love gold when I'm tan and when I'm not...the color works well with my natural skin tones and blonde hair. So, I chose this gold lace frock with slip and metallic gold woven heels (Prada) for height (my man is 6 ft +, and i'm a short 5'4").I've also included some flats, because nothing is worse than sinking into the ground all night long...and also, I'm a bit of a ballet-flats-kind-of-girl.
I love Kendra Scott jewelry (she has a great shop in the South Congress shopping district in Austin, Tx), so I've gone with her Carmella Earrings in white/gold. I love the woven gold band by Botte Gaveneta. It is simple, yet complicated....much like myself. I tend to wear just my wedding band on the daily, so the oval rose cut red diamond "engagement ring" would look perfect on my right hand. For my "something blue" I've included the blue/gold wide bangle. I'm also a bit of a traditionalist....I like the "something old, borrowed, blue" of weddings. The Maison Michel headpiece is tdf. I love the heavy stones braided and tangled in the wire. If I didn't wear this, my maid/matron of honor would. It's just gorgeous.
The pinstripe trouser (true, it's women's clothing) are a template for what I'd like to see my guy in. Black or navy with gold/taupe stripe....yum. There's just something about tall men in pinstripe suits. Right?
My favorite color is retro-avocado. So, to add that in, I've found these great "picnic" melamine plates from Crate & Barrel. These would absolutely be on my registry.
I'm from Texas. My family raises cattle. There would HAVE to be BBQ. And banana pudding in lieu of a traditional cake. It's just a fact of life. I'd also include some chopped Vegetarian "BBQ" from Jo's Coffee Shop for the vegetarian in-laws and guests.
We have a few friends (being from Austin) that are in the music business, so the shindig following the ceremony would be all about music, dancing and sing-alongs. We'd invite everyone we know, because we miss everyone like hell right now. As the night would come to a close, we'd give everyone the option of riding into town to see the city's fireworks. It would be the perfect way to start our life together...again.

Happy 4th of July!

Happy 4th of July! And happy birthday to my lovable grindad!
We spent our long weekend doing this:

and this:

and also attended fireworks show and soccer game, care of the L.A. Galaxy! Go Galaxy!

The things we wish for.

"Be careful what you wish for!" I remember hearing that phrase throughout my childhood with various intent. It was used as a parental threat after empty teenage angst-y threats. It was used as a warning for the potential of getting adverse results of a wish truly realized.

Even as an adult, we think to ourselves, "I wish..." But, we should be careful what we wish for.

I can't tell you the number of nights I wished Scout could soothe herself to sleep without my having to be right next to her. Never to the extent of that now infamous "parenting book" that shall not be named here...but I always thought it must be nice that Jay got that hour or so of solidarity every night while Scout and I battled it out before peaceful sleep.

Now that we are at that point in her development, I am mourning those nights when we would lie down and talk about our favorite part of the day; when we would snuggle until one or both of us drifted off to sleep. I hug her even more during the day than I used to. I ask her to snuggle with me on the couch in the afternoons and in the morning when she wakes up, she crawls into our bed and cuddles silently for a few minutes.

Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it...

Time apart

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I'm not sure about that, but I know that the absence of my friends and family seems to bring a sort of longing in my heart that can be tangible pain at times. The hardest part of this new endeavor thus far has been the missing of family and friends.

This weekend, I was able to reverse the day-to-day and spend time with my besties and away from my husband and daughter. The excitement of spending two whole days with my friends with undivided attention plus TexMex seemed almost too much to bear. Then, just two days before I was set to return to the land of scorching heat and humidity, the parental guilt kicked in. I felt horrible for leaving J&S and knew I would be missing them the entire time I was gone.

That didn't stop me from having an excellent time.

But it did make for some really conflicting moments of internal dialogue standing in security checkpoints. I almost felt sorry for the guard in Houston who asked me how my day was. I almost came apart standing in front of him--not what he asked for that day when he clocked in, I'm sure. I cried from the minute we arrived at the airport until almost two hours into my flight. I couldn't help it. I missed my friends, and wanted to smuggle them onboard with me.

I love our life here in Cali. I love this incredible opportunity we've been given, but if I could have my friends here, it would be perfect. I'm looking forward to making new connections here with new friends and old.

On another note, while I was gone....someone started going to bed by herself, using the word "Ye-ah" (think flava-flave) and somehow, her hair got curlier. How much fun did they have while Mom was out of the house?! Pirate baths, playdates, new parks explored and bagel Sunday! Luckies!

Things I'm missing:

1. Friends/Family (duh)
2. Queso (specifically, Magmud and Cowboy Queso)
3. Hopdoddy burgers (followed by...)
4. Amy's Ice Cream/Hey Cupcake!
5. Barton Springs on HOT summer days
6. Random nights on SoCo with my besty
7. Chuys

That's all for now.

p.s.: SERIOUSLY. I could cry. right now.

Fashion Files

Scout has developed an ecclectic fashion sense in the last couple of months. Dressing up used to be her favorite past-time. Now, literally dressing herself, is one of her favorite activities in our day. She loves accessories...hats, necklaces, scarfs, and shoes...this girl loves them all. Here are some recent pictures, in various formats.

In honor of one missed...

We are actively fundraising for Relay for Life this year.

The team name is Accolades for Brad.

If you would like to donate follow this link.

Happy Father's Day....

To all the daddies out there. And especially to the one of this girl:

Without whom, I don't know what I'd do.

Hi! Happy Friday!

Anyone else dying to know what Natalie Portman named her baby boy? Just me? Ok...



Yeah, ok...it's none of our business. I can imagine being in the spotlight...how I'd want to protect my newborn child as much as I could from the world of paparazzi, red carpets and gossip mags.

On another note...how did my house get to be such a mess this week without me even noticing? Oh yeah....her!

From

Not so wordless wednesday...

So excited. I purchased a ticket yesterday to fly to Houston to see some friends and to also see this:

Checking things off the list...

Schedules and Star Charts

Any other stay-at-home moms have their kiddos on a schedule? I'm trying to get in some activities every week and have formulated a schedule that was similar to what she did at school. It's not as rigid as it sounds; I think it is honestly more for me than for her. I want to teach her things and the only way to do that is to hold myself accountable with a list.

We've also introduced the idea of a star chart. This is how she was potty trained at school. I don't think she entirely understood it (she was 2 at the time). But we are trying it again with "good behavior," she gets a star. That is, any time we set a task for her, if she accomplishes it without a fit or general bad behavior, she gets a star. We've been having a few of those lately. And by a few, I mean, every time we ask her to rest or get ready for bed, it's an hour of all-out-war. I'm trying to teach her the importance of setting goals with this too. If she gets enough stars, we get to go to Legoland (which she loved).

I'm getting back into the swing of things here!

favorite things

The new condo we are living in has some pretty awesome "old hollywood" details. Built in the 1940's, this building is as sturdy as it comes. Gorgeous refinished hardwood floors, updated fixtures and granite countertops are just a few of the reasons we fell in love with this place. There are some other little details that add some charm to the place. Here they are:


Tiny drawers in the kitchen. Useful for tools, coozies, and parchment paper.


Cool crank-to-open windows and rose bushes all around the front and side of our condo. lovely.


Swanky new sink.


Here's our peep hole. Very cool.


Old school mailboxes. So cool. Also, tiny.


The front courtyard. We're all the way at the back, which is great. Lots of room to play, no street noise, and beautiful landscaping.

evolution

Scout woke up this morning and started her usual "entertain me" antics. We sleepily told her to go draw in her room while we woke up, gathered our thoughts and our coffee, and tackled the seemingly-never-ending task of organizing and putting together our new furniture. She comes in the kitchen and without a word hangs up a masterpiece on the fridge. Jay sees this and asks her what her picture is.

It's a big, scary monster and a rain cloud. Then, picture Jay's jaw dropping to the floor. It is that, exactly.

Exhibit A:



So, being the inquisitive parents we are. We said "hey, scout, can you draw a funny monster?" So, off she runs to her room as we discuss her incredible, overnight ability to draw things with legs and faces and arms, instead of just scribbles and swirls and blobs. How do they just know? Where did this ability come from?
Then, to our amazement, she emerges with this:

Exhibit B:


I've never been this proud in my life. I'm framing her subsequent series of monsters for our living room. Seriousness.

Infertility.

(If this is too much info for you....color me "shocked that anyone still reads this blog")

A few random thoughts about infertility:

*buying (wasting money) on pregnancy tests makes me crazy. The amount of money spent in the last two years equals somewhere around $300. Probably upwards of that. And I'll never shake the feeling that I really want a fruit roll-up after opening the eerily similar packaging.

*initial consultations (not covered by insurance) start at $300. or $100 for 10 minutes up to $550 for an hour plus the cost of all of your ultrasounds ($300 per). And you don't even get free cookies or a commemorative dish or logo-water bottle. Then, let's talk about the costs of IVF, IUI, and other fertility treatments....oy!

*It all sucks, but we do it anyway. The end result is so totally worth it.

Ms. Maebe

If you've ever wanted a dog that could retrieve a ball or frisbee or shoe for 2 hours straight, let me introduce you to Maebe.

We adopted this sweet girl when she was a pup....her birthday is estimated to be Halloween of 2006. She is the kind of dog that can't get enough love from you, but once given the correct guidance and signals, she will find her spot and give you the perfected "puppy eyes" until you give her the "okay" for more scratches behind the ear. She loves hiking and the great outdoors. She is great around kids (lets them climb on her, poke at her with little annoyance), and other dogs. She usually tends to be the least dominant in the room (which is to say: she's a little nervous and shy, but not to a fault). She can be taken off the leash, but does need to be acquainted with her surroundings and owner for a good while before attempting this. She's a retriever at heart and fits the mold pretty much to a "T."
Shots are up to date, but she will require a teeth cleaning from your vet. Loves swimming and bath time as well as grooming. All of her dog gear will go with her wherever she goes. She has a crate, but does not get crated unless absolutely necessary. That is to say, she prefers to be able to lounge and move around during the day. She is good about not chewing on things, but does like to sneak in a couch-nap during the day, if allowed. Leash trained and house-trained, as well as basic obedience training (sit, shake, load-up, down).

We aren't able to bring her to California per our lease agreement and arrangements we've made have fallen through. Please, if you or someone you know is looking to adopt an excellent canine partner in crime, let us know. She needs a very loving home.



*UPDATE* Maebe has found a new home where she's getting LOTS of love, long walks and countless ear scratches. :D She's happy as can be!
also, she's into art.

I love weddings...

Can't help it. Congrats to the Duke and Dutchess.

well, hello there. it's been a while, old friend.

So, what have we been up to since March 10th? Oh, the usual...moving across the country, playing on the beach, enjoying ocean breezes and loving life in general.
Best to do things in pictures.


Saying Goodbye to the LRD for now...


Last Magnolia Breakfast for a while


Middle of Nowhere, TX



Me + Scout, Golfland in Pheonix



8 Am swimming in Phoenix


AZ Cactus


California Wind Farms


Bucket Shopping on the Santa Monica Pier


Scout <3s In-N-Out


Happy Earth Day, everybody.