good news!

Positive LH test yesterday afternoon! The energy I was feeling after that test was EUPHORIC! Heading to Santa Monica Fertility for our IUI. Let's get this show on the road!

Post Edit:
Everything went smoothly. I saw my follicle (which had grown to a healthy 22+ mm) and gave it a pep-talk. Procedure was quick and painless. Just waiting 14 days now. JUST 14 days! :D If you need me, I'll be going crazy over here.

Scout and I have a big weekend planned since Jay will be out of town on Saturday. We're going to see Puss in Boots tomorrow with Cashel and Jennifer. But first, dinner tonight with the fam and our good friend Laura from Austin is in town, so we are lucky enough to visit with her this afternoon! Can't wait!

One of those perfect L.A. days

Had to laugh at all the "Los Angeles" in my life today:

Driving to the grocery store and passing the Star Home Tours bus. 

Text from Jay about seeing a guy with a cut from Sons of Anarchy on the Santa Monica Promenade. 

Driving down Avenue of Stars to get to a play date at Roxbury Park.

Buying tickets to the Galaxy play offs for next week. 

Text from Jay: "heading to the playboy studio...should be interesting."(add that to text messages you don't ever want to get from your hubby. jk. they were looking at the studio space. uh-huh, sure.) 

The sun is shining, and it's 70 degrees. Meanwhile, my family in Texas are inches deep in snow. 

LED Billboards everywhere advertising every movie that is coming out for the next two months, t.v. shows and Bijan watches. 

Beautiful day, actually. 

Currently: dancing around

"It's always darkest before the dawn."

Not a Wordless Wednesday

I know you are probably tired of reading these updates. I'm growing tired of posting them. I'm ready for some good news!

Today, I had an appointment with Dr. S to see how the injections had progressed my follicle growth. In two days (each with a 75 cc shot of Follistim), my growth had only progressed to 18.69 mm and somewhere around 17 from 16.

SO. It's not looking much better than last month. Both doctors raised their eyebrows at the outcome of the treatment this time around, and continued to say "it's not where I'd like it to be, but this may be completely normal for you." Dr. S reassured me today that at least the chances have been raised from 0% with no ovulation to 20-25% with one (maybe 2?) follicles.

 I think both doctors are starting to get frustrated with the lack of progress my body is showing. I don't seem to be responding very well to the Clomid, but...we are hoping for a miracle. I'm giving myself a shot tonight of Ovidrel to make my body ovulate. It takes about 36 hours for that to happen. Then, Friday morning at 11:30 we go in for our second IUI attempt.

 Scout was at my appointments this week, and she continues to make everyone in the office laugh and smile. They talk to her about her Halloween costume, her curly hair, and ask her if she wants to stay in the office with them. She tells them about her favorite Nintendo characters, how she wants a baby sister, and her rock collection. She caught Dr. J off-guard on Monday. As he was leaving our room, he said "Bye, you!" to Scout. She looked up at him and said "BYE, YOU!!"

 Jay was in San Francisco today, sitting on a discussion panel at OMMA Video Conference. They were discussing YouTube as the new MSO. You can view it here in all it's techie-fabulousness. He makes some very good points (around minute ~5 and ~22:30) about internet media and even gets to use the phrase "democratized content landscape." God, he's so awesome. I love that he is amazing at his job. I love that he loves his job. I love that he gets to do cool stuff like this, because...he is really good at it. I'm so proud of him.

Good food: Nicoise Salads

Jay and I have been having "at home date nights." Which really, really, really sounds like a cop-out. But, in reality, is SO fun. So far, we've had three of these...and what happens goes something like this: Jay makes and serves dinner in three courses; soup or salad, main course, dessert. I'm not allowed in the kitchen. We both shower and shave and get dressed up like we actually are going to leave the house. We listen to records, and put away the technologies (for the most part). We talk about current events, work, the future and other fun things. Then after dinner, we play a board game or watch a new movie, or both. 

This Saturday night, Jay made Nicoise (knee-swahz) salads and tomato bisque with ice cream and milano cookies for dessert. Nicoise salad is one of his favorites that i've never ventured to try. Though I don't know why...because I LOVED it. 

There are different variations and recipes for this delicious salad. Jay enjoyed one last week that used salmon instead of tuna and asparagus instead of green beans. We stuck to the traditional recipe (minus olives, because if you know anything about my should know he hates olives and most pickles). 

Jay made the dressing from scratch. Here's the things you need for the dressing:
3/4 cup olive oil
1 shallot, minced
1 tbsp. fresh (or dried) thyme
2 tsp. oregano (we used dried whole mexican oregano)
1 tbsp. fresh basil
1 tsp. dijon mustard
1/2 cup lemon juice
salt and pepper to taste

Other things you'll need to pick up from the market:
Sashimi-grade Tuna steak (one should be enough for two people)
small red new potatoes 
fresh green beans
1 egg per person, hard-boiled
Nicoise Olives (or capers or kalamata olives, if you can't find nicoise) 

Boil your potatoes and your eggs (separately), and flash cook or steam your green beans. You want the green beans to be crunchy and sweet, not soft and mushy. You'll want to cool these things down before you put them on the lettuce to keep the lettuce from wilting. Jay let them sit in some ice water for a few minutes to bring them to room temp. 

Drizzle a bit of olive oil on your tuna steak, and then pan-fry it over medium heat. Keep the center pink, don't overcook the tuna. You can put a little bit of kosher salt on there, if you like. After cooking, slice it and divide between the salads. Let it cool down a little before putting it on the lettuce.

To arrange your salad, start with fresh butter lettuce. We got the hydroponic head of butter lettuce at the store because Jay loved the tagline on the packaging: "You know it's fresh because it's still alive." Queue the sinister laughter. 

In the middle of the lettuce, place your sliced tuna steak in the middle. Then, arrange the remaining ingredients in clockwise fashion. Potatoes (4 or 5), green beans, sliced deviled egg, and olives. Instead of olives, I opted for capers. Which, I have to say...were really delicious. Drizzle your dressing over the top, and enjoy! 

Nicoise deliciousness
dinner date

Today's appointment

We got to see Dr. J today to check on the follies. Looks like only one is growing, but it's a good size (16mm) for day 12. I'm going to do the Follistim shots today and tomorrow, and then go in on Wednesday for another ultrasound and more blood work to see how the follicles are doing. I'll also get the ovulation shot (Ovidrel) if it looks like the follicle is ready. 

We are looking at a Friday IUI which is good because Jay leaves town on Saturday and won't be back until Sunday. I'm getting so frustrated with the clomid. It seems like my body is not responding to it at all, and it seems like a waste of time. But, we have to wait until we've tried this plan for three months in a row before we try something new. At that point, I'll be at my "6 in a lifetime" doses for Clomid. 

What's the next step? I don't know. Here's hoping we don't have to find out! Keeping focused on the positive.

Post Edit: LH neg for Saturday, Sunday, and today. 

Name game

oh, L.A.---Scout was run over at the park by a kid on his scooter. She was fine, but I learned that the kid's name was Dylan. And his brother's name? Jagger. OBVIOUSLY. I have to say, I love both names...but having them together, is ridiculously cool. Isn't it? 

So from this day forth, I'm going to try to brainwash my sister-in-law to name her future son Jagger. Obviously.

Other fun names at the playground and park are:

Charlie (for girls and boys)

For the weekend...

Jam this as loud as you can...the closer to 5 p.m., the better. 

and then, listen to this: 

Amazing weekend tunes brought to you by Class Actress. 

We Found Love

That new rihanna good. and, the video...powerful. like a psa for bad love:

"The video compares love to a drug. Both produce euphoria at first...but if overused or uncontrolled, they can both quickly become addictive, harmful and dangerous.

As seen here, when relationships wrong, it quickly becomes an issue of control and survival in the relationship, much like when the side effects of drugs themselves.

Rihanna's not supporting the use of drugs, she's using them as an analogy to explain the possible mistakes of love when uncontrolled."

Blogging, FYI

Holy cow, it makes me so happy to see comments on the blog. SO, if you're reading and you want to leave a comment or question or opinion, this is your forum! Feel free to agree/disagree/observe and comment!

Jay made it home last night after his LONG work day and short trip to Little Rock. He spent some time with a home-and-garden celebrity and I can't even tell you how jealous I am. He's so cool, you guys.

Well, I must run...busy day today. Scout and I are watching the Barbie fairy movie I rented for her. For. The. 100th. Time.

Another day, another U/S

Went to the doctor today. Dr. J has been out of office this week, and so I've been seeing his associate, Dr. S. She is great, also (duh). She LOVES Scout. She entertains her and talks to her and listens to her stories about Mario Bros., Halloween costumes, and her imaginary friends. It is pretty much the best feeling ever to have the doctor walk in the room and get more excited about the kid than the client. Seriously. 

So, results of the U/S were this: follies are growing, but not at an enormous rate. They are going to bring me in again (probably on Friday, when Dr. J will be back) for another U/S and then evaluate whether or not I need shots. Keep your fingers crossed for no shots, because those suckers are ESPENSIVE, Lucy. 

Plus, who likes giving themselves shots in the stomach? Not this lady! 

In other news, Scout is being her darling self. She helped bake a pizza last night...even rolled out the dough. It was shaped like Oklahoma and had lots of cheese and broccoli on it. Then today, she helped me make pumpkin spice muffins. She loves cooking and projects. She also helped me make some button crafts that I'll show you later..b/c (ShHHHHh!) they are Christmas presents! 

Also, have you seen the website yet? Because it's amazing. Sorry mom for the curse word. But it is hilarious. And he's such a little hottie. I hope I run into him at Whole Foods one day. Okeydokey, gotta go...getting all that laundry done that I've been talking about for days. 

Feeling chipper today...I think it's the coffee.

POST EDIT: Dr. J will see us on Monday, the 24th. LH testing starts on the 22nd. 

the fizzle after the pop

That title is how you could describe my mood over the last two days. Pretty much. I don't know what it is. I was feeling so positive at the end of the week and heading into the weekend. I've been working really hard to focus on the positive in every day. I guess I wasn't doing that last month...because in focusing on the happy, I've found the contrast. 

And yes, that precious three year old in the other room is my constant reminder to laugh, bounce, and be crazy. And yes, depression is a side effect (supposedly) of Clomid. And yes, it doesn't help that my face looks like a pre-pubescent's. I'm in a frump. I can't place my finger on it, but something feels "off." 

Scout and I got out of the house today and ran errands. We went to Trader Joe's for some groceries, the bank for some rolled coin (or lollipops, depending on who you ask), and to the park to get some outside play time. I'm enjoying seeing her blossom as the time goes by here in Cali. It's been a slow process, but has been fun to see her play it out in her own time. 

There's the silver lining I've been looking for. 

Clomid Chronicles, Part Deux Day 4

One more day to go on the meds. I must say, I don't think it's affecting me much at all like it did the last go-round. I'm not feeling fuzzy or neurotic (yet), but rather a little tired. I slept most of the day yesterday and then went to bed by 11:45 and slept through the night pleasantly. Today, I'm feeling a bit sleepy, but it could be the weather. It's a bit foggy here this afternoon as the marine layer has made its way onshore. 

I'm looking forward to the end of this week and a Disney play date with Jennifer and Cashel. Jay leaves town for business for two days (one night) this week. Lots to do at the end of the week, so I'm thankful that today (and the past weekend) were so entirely low-key. 

Things we are going to do this week: library, tar pits, Disneyland and laundry. woohoo!

CrossProcessed Photo
p.s How cute are these shoes? 

Point of order

To clarify.... My last post was my 300th written, but (as Jay brought to my attention) only the 289th to be posted. SO, in a week (roughly) I'll have that 300th post. I've been nagging Jay to help me with a new format. Something that looks better and is a little more minimal but with style. Tadah! Isn't it pretty? We still have a few things to do, but I wanted to welcome you (all you readers out there) and say "YES, it is still the same blog. Just classier." Stay tuned!

Clomid Chronicles, Part Deux, Day 3

It's 4 o'clock....p.m.

And I've been awake for a total of 3.5 hours since 6:30 this morning. 

Just realized, this was my 300th post. Neat.

Clomid Chronicles, Part Deux (day2)

I took my first dose of 100 ml Clomid yesterday afternoon. I'm feeling fine today, much better than the past few days. If the sun comes out, I'm going to take Scout to the beach this afternoon. We may go regardless...and take our kite for the afternoon. 

I'm going to work this month to meet the universe 1/2-way with the pregnancy thing. I realized this last week that if I had been pregnant, I wasn't prepared for a few things. I wasn't prepared for the sickness. I was extremely ill during the first trimester (+) of my pregnancy with Scout. This time around, if I'm that sick, I'm going to have a toddler to think about.

Here's a list of things I need to do, because I love a good list. 
  • Get ideas for pregnancy photos. Because I'm documenting everything so heavily, I want to come up with a creative way to document the physical changes. 
  • Set up some busy-activities for Scout. Get back in our routine of park visiting and play-dates. Also going to try and set up a schedule with a sitter to get Scout some play time with someone who is not sick (if I'm sick....hopefully I'm not). 
  • Stock  up on things I'll be able to eat when sick...apples, peanut butter, jello, soups, crackers, ginger ale and lemon drops. 
  • Get Emetrol. This is the only thing that brought me a slight feeling of relief so I could eat.
  • Think of baby names. I'm already always doing this anyway...but I've started an actual list. And no, we won't be sharing....just like we didn't share Scout's until she was born.  I'm letting Jay and Scout contribute to this list. 
  • Revisit the maternity shop down the street. The store owner was so great. She had toys for kiddos to look at while the parents browse, kiddie clothes as well as adorable maternity boutique items, and a great spirit. She's the one who suggested I try the strategy of "meeting the universe" half way. 
I was confident in the science of things. I believed that if the medicine worked, and I complied with my doctor's wishes, that everything would fall into place. I'm not a huge "faith" person. It's hard for me to trust something I can't see, or to understand it for that matter. That may come as a shock to some people, given my background...but it's the truth. This time around, I'm going to work on having the faith that it will happen. I'm going to continue to be realistic...but "up" my optimism this time. I'm going to do this by meditating for thirty minutes every day and concentrating on the positivity of pregnancy. 

Here goes! 

Vision clear, appetite back

I woke up this morning with a clear vision of what today is going to look like. I also woke up with a strange feeling...hunger. I've been battling some tummy issues for about the past week....and finally am feeling a bit better. I actually wanted to fill my stomach. 

Scout is going to stay with the sitter this morning for a couple of hours because I've got a doctor's appointment. Turns out "day 1" came sooner than I thought. I could have saved the money on the pregnancy test, had I known that neat little fact. 

But I digress....yesterday was a pretty good day despite the less-than-happy start. I had about three hours to wallow in the misery and then I was calling the doctor's office again with news of "Day 1!" 

I have some blood tests and an ultrasound today, then I will be prescribed more Clomid and injectables. 

I'd like to thank you all for the calls and text messages I received yesterday. It reminds me that we are not alone in this; that "I am a brave, strong woman," and that "it will happen when it's supposed to happen." I'm so glad to be sharing and over-sharing this experience. I hope that it will help someone else to read about our experience. 

Now...for the Clomid Chronicles, Round DEUX. 

plan of action

The thing about "plans" is that they never turn out the way you think. Or at least, such is the case with this body I'm living in. I tested this morning, and the results were negative. Now, back to the drawing board. 

Our good doctor is out of town until the 21st, but we are in contact with him via email/phone through the nurses at his office. We will wait for day 1 of my cycle and then go in for another ultrasound and likely up the Clomid and add injectables for this cycle. 

Jay hates this part....the part where I'm sad. I hate it, too. But in all honesty, I knew that our chances this month were not that great. By the end of my cycle I only had one good egg and maybe another one that would develop on it's own and push through...but not likely. With the last shot that I had, I was supposed to ovulate within 36 hours. But when I went in for my IUI, via ultrasound, the doctor could see that I hadn't ovulated yet. 

We remained positive in the fact that many people get pregnant when only one egg is present. That's all it takes, right?'d think. Timing is everything, and maybe our timing was just off. My body has a different schedule as far as cycling goes, so this could be the case. 

But also?  I'm not sad because I know there is still another plan. We learned a lot about my body this time around, and the fact is that I might still not be ovulating. 

On another note...looks like I've got a stomach bug.

post edit: and no, we don't think it's too early to tell...but I'd love to eat those words.  

Give me your guesses

So tomorrow is the day that we test to find out if our IUI worked. Here are some symptoms and indicators that may or may not prove to be pregnancy signs. Full disclosure here, you may want to stop reading if you think it's "too much information." I've been experiencing extreme thirst, somewhat-slowed appetite, sensitive stomach, some fatigue, nausea and a slight but noticeable increase in cup size and body temp. All of these symptoms could be caused by various environmental changes (it was so dry in Texas), travel, PMS, and possible illness. Or I could be "incubating," as my mom says. 

In order to not freak myself out about it...I decided to make today all about a fun poll. After the jump, tell me: What do you think?

Texas trip, in instagram pictures

Southwest Airlines; not your "family-friendly" airline....

On my flight from El Paso to LAX this weekend, I experienced something I've experienced all too often on a Southwest Airline flight. A drunk passenger. Not just a buzzed passenger, but the kind that makes you think they must have drank an entire pitcher of margaritas and chased it with a horse tranquilizer.

My brother and I experienced our first drunk passenger when we were young. We were old enough to recognize a drunk person when we smelled them, but young enough that we still needed to be supervised by the attendant. This drunk passenger jumped on the plane at the last minute, shoved her boombox (circa 1990) under my brother's seat, kicked off her Birkenstocks and put her smelly (read: unwashed for days) feet in the seat across from her (next to my brother). She then passed out for the entire flight. It was a memory I cherish (sarcasm).  

Recently, you've probably heard about this story: Actress Leisha Hailey was kicked off of a Southwest flight because she kissed her girlfriend...which apparently offended some good southwesterners. And she was famous! All this from the airline that claims to be the official airline of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD).   

Then, also, in the last month...the lead singer of the famous grunge-punk band Green Day was kicked off a SWA flight for letting his pants hang low....and refusing to follow the flight attendant's instruction for pulling them up. He's known for how he dresses...and I'm sorry, but I usually don't think that someone's clothes are offensive enough to have them removed from public view or escorted from a plane. USUALLY. 

You can literally get kicked off a plane for anything. Remember the people that have been kicked off flights for "being too fat (Kevin Smith)," or for their loud toddlers (hello!?!?!), and the woman who was crying too loudly on her sister's shoulder about their father's recent heart attack. They almost missed those precious last moments with their dad because of that disgraceful act. This is all getting a little out of hand. 

Our flight was delayed coming out of Austin by about an hour which would have cost us an overnight stay in El Paso...but SWA gratefully held the connecting flight 10 minutes for us. We deplaned and ran to catch our flight which was just two gates over. Upon boarding the full plane (10 seats were waiting to be filled, including ours), the only two seats together were near the back of the plane. Not a problem for us because being closer to the restroom is better with a 3 year old. Honestly, I was just thankful to be on a flight heading home. 

I threw my carry-on in the overhead compartment and took to our seats as quickly as possible. I buckled my three year old in the seat in the middle and I took the aisle seat. The other passenger on our row (we'll call him Drunkboy, for brevity's sake) attempted to be cordial by offering us a bag of peanuts from his large stash of airline peanuts. I declined politely and waited for other passengers to quickly get on the flight so we could get home. 

Scout snuggled up next to me and quickly fell asleep before our flight even left the ground. Thank goodness. Because for the next two hours, I lived in fear that Drunkboy was going to throw up on me, my kid, or my purse. He tried to make conversation a couple of times, but "fell asleep" in the middle of his question or comment. I did learn he was from Utah, originally. He texted...or tried to, but was having trouble remaining conscious. His phone remained on and active for the entire flight. If I'm not mistaken, he received a text halfway through the flight. 

Drunkboy may or may not have been a young serviceman...there were many in my section on the flight. I recognized them not because of their uniforms or their overly polite behavior or conversations, but because they get free drinks on Southwest flights. Upon their ordering, they flash a military i.d. and the attendants usually thank them for their service and then say those three magical words "drink's on us." There were three other servicemen seated across the aisle from us, and they routinely looked over and cracked some jokes about how he couldn't hold his alcohol and if he was "going to get on a flight wasted, he was fair game." These young men (also getting free alcohol) kindly offered me a bag of pretzels or peanuts from their large stash (apparently you get all the snacks you want on SWA, too, if you are in the military). I declined politely and delved into my book and cuddled my toddler. 

Why didn't I say something to the airline attendant? It probably had something to do with the fact that I wanted to try to be respectful of the situation. But when do we sacrifice our own comfort for the sake of respect? I was clearly uncomfortable. I could have had this young man removed from the plane. But the thing is...that Drunkboy sat there for ten minutes (or longer) before I even got on board. The flight attendant had to wake him up and move him so that we could be seated. The two flight attendants working in our section of the plane stopped and observed him before the flight took off. He wasn't wearing a seatbelt...had his active cell phone on his lap, and was passed out against the window with a half-eaten packet of peanuts held to his mouth. 

Why didn't I say something? I should not have had to. 

Maybe Southwest Airlines should tweak that part of training that talks about "judgement calls." 

fertility and intelligence

Joking about dire situations is one of the most common ways of dealing with a difficult experience. Here's a joke you can make about your fertility issues: If you're having trouble with conceiving, it's likely that you are of higher intelligence than your "fertile Myrtle" counterparts. I read it here (and you know, wikipedia never lies). Ha! 

wrapping up the past few days...

My father in law is off to pursue great things. He left yesterday for Pennsylvania for five or six days, and then is heading to Tanzania for 27 months. He has joined the Peace Corps, and we, as a family, are SO proud of him. What an ambitious endeavor. I cannot imagine packing up and leaving the house you've been living in for over 20 years to head to a fourth-world country. What a courageous thing to do. He seems so excited and ready to take on the challenge. If anyone could do it, it'd be him. 

I have arrived at my brother's house in Leander and must say....I didn't realize how much I was looking forward to relaxing on their comfy couch. This sucker has been calling my name almost all day. I took Scout to get her hair cut today, and it looks adorable. She didn't want to cut it short, so we left it long and just cleaned up the cut. 

I've been feeling a little icky today....tired and want to take a nap. Our allergies have flared up and we are both feeling a little stuffy and gross today as well. Welcome back to Central Texas! 

More later. 

hi there!

Oh hi, 
Been sitting on pins and needles much? We are in Georgetown, and spending as much quality time with our family as we can while also battling a little bit of jet lag and dehydration. Didn't plan on that last one. The dry air (even in this humid part of Texas) is stifling. 

We landed in Austin, and gathered our luggage. We hit up the rental car desk and grabbed keys to our Hyundai sedan. We jumped in the car and headed to feed our mexican-food-deprived stomachs. We met up with friends over salsa and chips and carne guisada. We went to the record store to satisfy our indie music cravings and Hey Cupcake! to satisfy our sweet teeth. 

Then we made a bee-line for Georgetown to be with our family. Things are really great right now. It feels good to be surrounded with cousins, siblings, in-laws, grandparents and aunts and uncles and friends.