Things I like.

Vera Neumann linens
Antique/Vintage dinnerware
Vintage or vintage/mod inspired furniture
Mod prints
original art
our inherited collection of napkin rings
candle light dinners (when it's pizza/sandwiches/foie gras)
our green chair
other people's gardens
old books

to be continued...

Whoa there, horsey.

So yesterday was fun, wasn't it?
Kanye apologized to Taylor...Jessica Simpson's dog was eaten by a dingo and I had a mental melt down about returning to work. haha.

Oh, I kid...But thank you to some great friends who helped rationalize my anxieties and encourage me in my decision.

And to the greatest husband in the world...thanks for being my rock and my never-failing, ever-encouraging, ever-loving best friend. We make a great team.

Sometimes I just need you to shut up and be supportive.

So, I'm thinking about going back to work. And my anxiety over this situation is forcing me to make pro/con lists, eat excessive amounts of chocolate and read manuals and websites on childcare.

It's not the workday that scares me or the pursuit of a new endeavor for myself. I know I'll be fine and I actually am excited about the potential I see before me.

Problem is, now I have a child to think about. I have to worry about her well-being in the hands of others. I have to worry about what she'll be learning from her classmates and the lessons she'll bring home from her caregivers. I dread the moment she asks for her teacher instead of her mommy. I fear a backlash in her skills and knowledge.

But, the things I fear the most are.... the opinions of the masses. I'm frightened to death of hearing phrases like "well, she was such a sweet girl before you started her in daycare" or "smarter" or "healthier."

For all those moms out there who've had to face this same situation and have done so successfully, please...please...please offer me some advice. I'm afraid to google search things like "pros and cons of childcare" for fear of the inevitable panic attack with WILL ensue.

How do you justify putting your child in childcare? How do you justify keeping your child at home? How do you justify anything you do, any decision you make?

This, too, shall pass....right?


I wake up. I watch the husband leave for work. I make the baby's breakfast. I turn on the news. I turn off the news. I turn on Good Morning America. I make eggs sunny-side-up. I make coffee. I make toast with butter and strawberry preserves. I watch the special report at the Pentagon. I watch Gates and Obama give speeches. I can't avoid it. It's the eighth anniversary of a very sad day. A day that forever changed our beliefs, our practices, our rules and regulations. A day that shook this nation to the core and showed us what we are really made of. A day where we all feel a little bit more like a brotherhood and a little less like an extremely bipartisan citizenship. I turn off the lights, and make it a little bit darker in here. I feel the lump in my throat that started in my stomach and has worked it's way up. Is it raining everywhere this morning? Even Scout sits quietly on a pillow and watches the memorial at the Pentagon. Isn't it strange to mourn for something you've never seen, for people you've never met and situations you don't fully understand? In 2007, seven months pregnant, I made my first visit to NYC. Six years after 9/11, I still didn't feel comfortable making a visit to Ground Zero. It was too hard. It was too much to remember. I wanted to avoid it.
In 2001, my brother shot into my room at our college apartment in Bryan. He ran in and said, "you've got to come see this. You won't even believe what's happened." He was on the phone with my mother. I still remember what cell phone he had. We sat on our couch and watched as the reports that a plane had run into the Twin Towers. Half asleep, I selfishly commented "does this mean we don't have school today?" In all honesty, I thought it was a fire in one of the towers on our campus at first (half asleep) glance. Then it happened. Right before our eyes...and the eyes of the entire world. The second plane hit the South tower. Then, the Pentagon. Then the field in Pennsylvania. Then, they fell.
We didn't know anyone in New York. The closest we came to the attacks that day was a story that my grandparents had had dinner in the restaurant at the top of the tower only weeks before. We knew someone who knew someone who was related to someone who died in the attacks. And still we mourned. We cried. We grieve to this day. It is something that has forever marked us. It is something we witnessed. The first of truly traumatic events in our young adult lives.
For the first couple of years, we stopped. We stood still. We had moments of silence. We gasped, "I can't believe it's been two years, three years, four years..." We waited for action. We waited for memorials. We waited for explanation. We waited to see what would happen next.
Now, eight years later...I still try to avoid the news. I try to avoid the posts on blogs and the posts in my updates on twitter and facebook. I try to put on a brave face and not feel everything I felt on that day, watching those towers crumble into the clouds of dust. But again, I've been drawn like a moth to the flame. I say to myself, "there's no reason to feel so sad. There's no reason to cry. There's no reason to remember." But there is. Sure, it's not felt as strongly as those who were there. But, I think it does a tremendous disservice to avoid it. To write it off. To not think about it. To not remember.
So, today...I'm thinking about those who lost their loved ones on that day, and the days that followed.

Our first....

#2 in the potty! A BM! A Poo!

Ok...this growing up stuff is awesome.

Because she likes to do things herself...

Ms. Independent gets handed a spoon and some yogurt....after I cover her highchair in plastic splash mats. Oh, and there's some rubbing-yogurt-in-hair-action, too.

Best bubble bath in the world....

...happens to be a body wash. And here it is. It's 98% from natural origins. It's hypoallergenic. It's biodegradable, is packaged in 100% recyclable material and the company who produces it makes at least $100K in donations to the WWF (World Wildlife Fund, not the other "WWF").

Its scent of rosemary and mint will relax and energize you and just a teensy little cap-full of this stuff will make the bubbles go higher than your head (in a garden-size tub, no less!)! We love to keep this stuff next to the tub, but it also is a great body wash.

You can pick it up at local grocery stores for about $7 or you can pick it up by the case (WOW!) for around $45.

Better dash...the kid is wearing her potty on her head.