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Showing posts with label infertility. Show all posts
Showing posts with label infertility. Show all posts

Passing the time

Things we did while waiting for the last two weeks:
3 trips to disneyland
2 l.a. galaxy games
Double date night
Texans in Cali
11 loads of laundry
2 trips to the grocery store
2 trips to Costco
6 loads of dishes
countless hours spent wondering



good news!

Positive LH test yesterday afternoon! The energy I was feeling after that test was EUPHORIC! Heading to Santa Monica Fertility for our IUI. Let's get this show on the road!

Post Edit:
Everything went smoothly. I saw my follicle (which had grown to a healthy 22+ mm) and gave it a pep-talk. Procedure was quick and painless. Just waiting 14 days now. JUST 14 days! :D If you need me, I'll be going crazy over here.

Scout and I have a big weekend planned since Jay will be out of town on Saturday. We're going to see Puss in Boots tomorrow with Cashel and Jennifer. But first, dinner tonight with the fam and our good friend Laura from Austin is in town, so we are lucky enough to visit with her this afternoon! Can't wait!

Not a Wordless Wednesday

I know you are probably tired of reading these updates. I'm growing tired of posting them. I'm ready for some good news!

Today, I had an appointment with Dr. S to see how the injections had progressed my follicle growth. In two days (each with a 75 cc shot of Follistim), my growth had only progressed to 18.69 mm and somewhere around 17 from 16.

SO. It's not looking much better than last month. Both doctors raised their eyebrows at the outcome of the treatment this time around, and continued to say "it's not where I'd like it to be, but this may be completely normal for you." Dr. S reassured me today that at least the chances have been raised from 0% with no ovulation to 20-25% with one (maybe 2?) follicles.

 I think both doctors are starting to get frustrated with the lack of progress my body is showing. I don't seem to be responding very well to the Clomid, but...we are hoping for a miracle. I'm giving myself a shot tonight of Ovidrel to make my body ovulate. It takes about 36 hours for that to happen. Then, Friday morning at 11:30 we go in for our second IUI attempt.

 Scout was at my appointments this week, and she continues to make everyone in the office laugh and smile. They talk to her about her Halloween costume, her curly hair, and ask her if she wants to stay in the office with them. She tells them about her favorite Nintendo characters, how she wants a baby sister, and her rock collection. She caught Dr. J off-guard on Monday. As he was leaving our room, he said "Bye, you!" to Scout. She looked up at him and said "BYE, YOU!!"

 Jay was in San Francisco today, sitting on a discussion panel at OMMA Video Conference. They were discussing YouTube as the new MSO. You can view it here in all it's techie-fabulousness. He makes some very good points (around minute ~5 and ~22:30) about internet media and even gets to use the phrase "democratized content landscape." God, he's so awesome. I love that he is amazing at his job. I love that he loves his job. I love that he gets to do cool stuff like this, because...he is really good at it. I'm so proud of him.

Today's appointment

We got to see Dr. J today to check on the follies. Looks like only one is growing, but it's a good size (16mm) for day 12. I'm going to do the Follistim shots today and tomorrow, and then go in on Wednesday for another ultrasound and more blood work to see how the follicles are doing. I'll also get the ovulation shot (Ovidrel) if it looks like the follicle is ready. 

We are looking at a Friday IUI which is good because Jay leaves town on Saturday and won't be back until Sunday. I'm getting so frustrated with the clomid. It seems like my body is not responding to it at all, and it seems like a waste of time. But, we have to wait until we've tried this plan for three months in a row before we try something new. At that point, I'll be at my "6 in a lifetime" doses for Clomid. 

What's the next step? I don't know. Here's hoping we don't have to find out! Keeping focused on the positive.

Post Edit: LH neg for Saturday, Sunday, and today. 

Another day, another U/S

Went to the doctor today. Dr. J has been out of office this week, and so I've been seeing his associate, Dr. S. She is great, also (duh). She LOVES Scout. She entertains her and talks to her and listens to her stories about Mario Bros., Halloween costumes, and her imaginary friends. It is pretty much the best feeling ever to have the doctor walk in the room and get more excited about the kid than the client. Seriously. 

So, results of the U/S were this: follies are growing, but not at an enormous rate. They are going to bring me in again (probably on Friday, when Dr. J will be back) for another U/S and then evaluate whether or not I need shots. Keep your fingers crossed for no shots, because those suckers are ESPENSIVE, Lucy. 

Plus, who likes giving themselves shots in the stomach? Not this lady! 

In other news, Scout is being her darling self. She helped bake a pizza last night...even rolled out the dough. It was shaped like Oklahoma and had lots of cheese and broccoli on it. Then today, she helped me make pumpkin spice muffins. She loves cooking and projects. She also helped me make some button crafts that I'll show you later..b/c (ShHHHHh!) they are Christmas presents! 

Also, have you seen the website FuckYeahRyanGosling.tumblr.com yet? Because it's amazing. Sorry mom for the curse word. But it is hilarious. And he's such a little hottie. I hope I run into him at Whole Foods one day. Okeydokey, gotta go...getting all that laundry done that I've been talking about for days. 

Feeling chipper today...I think it's the coffee.

POST EDIT: Dr. J will see us on Monday, the 24th. LH testing starts on the 22nd. 

the fizzle after the pop

That title is how you could describe my mood over the last two days. Pretty much. I don't know what it is. I was feeling so positive at the end of the week and heading into the weekend. I've been working really hard to focus on the positive in every day. I guess I wasn't doing that last month...because in focusing on the happy, I've found the contrast. 

And yes, that precious three year old in the other room is my constant reminder to laugh, bounce, and be crazy. And yes, depression is a side effect (supposedly) of Clomid. And yes, it doesn't help that my face looks like a pre-pubescent's. I'm in a frump. I can't place my finger on it, but something feels "off." 

Scout and I got out of the house today and ran errands. We went to Trader Joe's for some groceries, the bank for some rolled coin (or lollipops, depending on who you ask), and to the park to get some outside play time. I'm enjoying seeing her blossom as the time goes by here in Cali. It's been a slow process, but has been fun to see her play it out in her own time. 

There's the silver lining I've been looking for. 


Clomid Chronicles, Part Deux Day 4

One more day to go on the meds. I must say, I don't think it's affecting me much at all like it did the last go-round. I'm not feeling fuzzy or neurotic (yet), but rather a little tired. I slept most of the day yesterday and then went to bed by 11:45 and slept through the night pleasantly. Today, I'm feeling a bit sleepy, but it could be the weather. It's a bit foggy here this afternoon as the marine layer has made its way onshore. 

I'm looking forward to the end of this week and a Disney play date with Jennifer and Cashel. Jay leaves town for business for two days (one night) this week. Lots to do at the end of the week, so I'm thankful that today (and the past weekend) were so entirely low-key. 

Things we are going to do this week: library, tar pits, Disneyland and laundry. woohoo!

CrossProcessed Photo
p.s How cute are these shoes? 

Clomid Chronicles, Part Deux, Day 3

It's 4 o'clock....p.m.

And I've been awake for a total of 3.5 hours since 6:30 this morning. 

Just realized, this was my 300th post. Neat.

Clomid Chronicles, Part Deux (day2)

I took my first dose of 100 ml Clomid yesterday afternoon. I'm feeling fine today, much better than the past few days. If the sun comes out, I'm going to take Scout to the beach this afternoon. We may go regardless...and take our kite for the afternoon. 

I'm going to work this month to meet the universe 1/2-way with the pregnancy thing. I realized this last week that if I had been pregnant, I wasn't prepared for a few things. I wasn't prepared for the sickness. I was extremely ill during the first trimester (+) of my pregnancy with Scout. This time around, if I'm that sick, I'm going to have a toddler to think about.

Here's a list of things I need to do, because I love a good list. 
  • Get ideas for pregnancy photos. Because I'm documenting everything so heavily, I want to come up with a creative way to document the physical changes. 
  • Set up some busy-activities for Scout. Get back in our routine of park visiting and play-dates. Also going to try and set up a schedule with a sitter to get Scout some play time with someone who is not sick (if I'm sick....hopefully I'm not). 
  • Stock  up on things I'll be able to eat when sick...apples, peanut butter, jello, soups, crackers, ginger ale and lemon drops. 
  • Get Emetrol. This is the only thing that brought me a slight feeling of relief so I could eat.
  • Think of baby names. I'm already always doing this anyway...but I've started an actual list. And no, we won't be sharing....just like we didn't share Scout's until she was born.  I'm letting Jay and Scout contribute to this list. 
  • Revisit the maternity shop down the street. The store owner was so great. She had toys for kiddos to look at while the parents browse, kiddie clothes as well as adorable maternity boutique items, and a great spirit. She's the one who suggested I try the strategy of "meeting the universe" half way. 
I was confident in the science of things. I believed that if the medicine worked, and I complied with my doctor's wishes, that everything would fall into place. I'm not a huge "faith" person. It's hard for me to trust something I can't see, or to understand it for that matter. That may come as a shock to some people, given my background...but it's the truth. This time around, I'm going to work on having the faith that it will happen. I'm going to continue to be realistic...but "up" my optimism this time. I'm going to do this by meditating for thirty minutes every day and concentrating on the positivity of pregnancy. 

Here goes! 


Vision clear, appetite back

I woke up this morning with a clear vision of what today is going to look like. I also woke up with a strange feeling...hunger. I've been battling some tummy issues for about the past week....and finally am feeling a bit better. I actually wanted to fill my stomach. 

Scout is going to stay with the sitter this morning for a couple of hours because I've got a doctor's appointment. Turns out "day 1" came sooner than I thought. I could have saved the money on the pregnancy test, had I known that neat little fact. 

But I digress....yesterday was a pretty good day despite the less-than-happy start. I had about three hours to wallow in the misery and then I was calling the doctor's office again with news of "Day 1!" 

I have some blood tests and an ultrasound today, then I will be prescribed more Clomid and injectables. 

I'd like to thank you all for the calls and text messages I received yesterday. It reminds me that we are not alone in this; that "I am a brave, strong woman," and that "it will happen when it's supposed to happen." I'm so glad to be sharing and over-sharing this experience. I hope that it will help someone else to read about our experience. 

Now...for the Clomid Chronicles, Round DEUX. 

plan of action

The thing about "plans" is that they never turn out the way you think. Or at least, such is the case with this body I'm living in. I tested this morning, and the results were negative. Now, back to the drawing board. 

Our good doctor is out of town until the 21st, but we are in contact with him via email/phone through the nurses at his office. We will wait for day 1 of my cycle and then go in for another ultrasound and likely up the Clomid and add injectables for this cycle. 

Jay hates this part....the part where I'm sad. I hate it, too. But in all honesty, I knew that our chances this month were not that great. By the end of my cycle I only had one good egg and maybe another one that would develop on it's own and push through...but not likely. With the last shot that I had, I was supposed to ovulate within 36 hours. But when I went in for my IUI, via ultrasound, the doctor could see that I hadn't ovulated yet. 

We remained positive in the fact that many people get pregnant when only one egg is present. That's all it takes, right? Well...you'd think. Timing is everything, and maybe our timing was just off. My body has a different schedule as far as cycling goes, so this could be the case. 

But also?  I'm not sad because I know there is still another plan. We learned a lot about my body this time around, and the fact is that I might still not be ovulating. 

On another note...looks like I've got a stomach bug.

post edit: and no, we don't think it's too early to tell...but I'd love to eat those words.  

Give me your guesses

So tomorrow is the day that we test to find out if our IUI worked. Here are some symptoms and indicators that may or may not prove to be pregnancy signs. Full disclosure here, you may want to stop reading if you think it's "too much information." I've been experiencing extreme thirst, somewhat-slowed appetite, sensitive stomach, some fatigue, nausea and a slight but noticeable increase in cup size and body temp. All of these symptoms could be caused by various environmental changes (it was so dry in Texas), travel, PMS, and possible illness. Or I could be "incubating," as my mom says. 

In order to not freak myself out about it...I decided to make today all about a fun poll. After the jump, tell me: What do you think?


fertility and intelligence

Joking about dire situations is one of the most common ways of dealing with a difficult experience. Here's a joke you can make about your fertility issues: If you're having trouble with conceiving, it's likely that you are of higher intelligence than your "fertile Myrtle" counterparts. I read it here (and you know, wikipedia never lies). Ha! 

The big day.

We had our IUI today. It was not at all painful. It was so easy and quick that I told Jay afterwards, "I don't even feel like it was a 'procedure.'"But it was, and hopefully it will result in the thing that makes it all seem easy. 

I went in an hour after Jay, and they did an u/s first. We saw my little follicle "friend" and I secretly spoke to it's black and grey representation on the screen. "Hey little egg. Hey, there. Let's make this work, okay?  I promise it'll be worth it."

Dr. J and I had a discussion about our upcoming trip to Austin. Why we are traveling and so forth. And after that, it was over. The nurse told me to stay there for a few minutes and then get dressed and she would give me my discharge notes. 

And then, I was walking to the car. Punched ticket and discharge instructions in hand. 

I promise it will be worth it. 

Late night

All day today I've been feeling crampy. Apparently it's a side effect of the Ovidrel shot that Doc J's nurse gave me. Ovulation hurts, apparently? Even though it takes about 36 hours for ovulation to occur after the injection...so technically, i suppose the crampy feelings I've been having today could be from the Follistim I gave myself last night. Either way, let it be documented...crampy (new word, I'm the best).

 Scout and Jay have been at all of my appointments. She's been great for comic relief and helping me to stay focused on the meaning of this process. She is a constant reminder at what we are aiming for...another joyful, hilarious, amazing, totally precious child. Today was the first day she realized that I was getting treatment.

When the nurse came in with the injection, she offered to let me inject myself. I politely refused and Scout asked the nurse "Are you going to give her that shot?" The nurse said "yes, are you afraid of shots?" Scout replied with one of her usual anecdotes of "when I was a baby, I used to get shots." And then she said the most hilarious thing: "I wanna watch!" Jay is holding her in his lap and turning his head to the wall, and our brave 3 year old wants to see her momma in pain! Could not have asked for a more hilarious diversion.

 Today is (was?) my dad's birthday. :D Scout said she was going to buy him a bird house....so I guess I better get on that. Have I mentioned how I'm the worst at getting gifts to people on time. I still haven't sent my mom her birthday present. Will probably give it to her when she comes to SaMo next week. Oy, I'm the worst. Also, a happy birthday shout-out to my twinkie, Nicole. She's my sister-from-another-mister (and missus). We met at Freshman orientation and have been buddies ever since. So, happy 30th to her! 

Tomorrow at 3:00 is our first attempt at IUI. Please keep us in your thoughts at that time (5pm Texas Time). I'm really anxious.

Well, to bed. To rest. I think I have to go wake up Jay and have him move to our room....as I can hear him and Scout having a Snorefest in her room. Goodnight, all!

newsy news

SO, we recently returned from our 8 am appointment. The FSH worked! Shots in the stomach, FTW! Who knew? We are scheduled for a late afternoon IUI tomorrow. Tears of joy! Excitement!

every day i'm hurdling.

Is that even a word?

Just returned from our appointment with Dr. J. Again,we are so impressed and at ease with his level of confidence in our chances. After today's appointment, we have a more clear picture of what may be happening every month. Looks like I'm not ovulating...even with the Clomid. My follicles aren't maturing at a rate that produces an egg. This month, with the help of the larger dose of Clomid, the initial stimulation was excellent and right on track. However, since Friday, the growth has stalled and my follicles are now only measuring around 16, 13 and 12 (remember, ovulation usually happens between 16-20mm at the earliest).

So what are we doing; what's next? Dr. J sent us home with injections of Follistim that I will give myself for the next two days. The shots give the follies extra FSH they need to keep growing at a rate of 1-2mm per day. Think of it as shots of Clomid given straight to the ovaries. I'm returning to his office on Wednesday for another shot that will trigger ovulation and then our IUI will likely happen on Thursday. Then, we leave town on Friday morning to head to the aTx.

My head is feeling foggy. I'm distressed by the lack of growth, but hopeful and optimistic at the same time. I like that we are doing everything we can at EVERY step of the way. I like that we are being monitored. It gives you less time to worry when you know what's going on. Jay is the best pep talker. After the doctor left our patient room, he asked me how I felt about everything. I said I was a little sad, but comfortable with the shots. He said he was just as confident that we have a good chance. He also pointed out something that I hadn't really noticed until this trip to SMF. We are by far the youngest couple in the office at any given time. We've got time and youth on our side, and everything else is perfectly healthy. I've got a hospitable environment for a developing fertilized egg. There is no issue with Jay's side of the equation at all. We've got great doctors.

I'm not excited about giving myself shots. In fact, I asked Jay if he thought he could give them to me. His response? "Oh god no, I'd pass out. I feel like passing out just thinking about it." What a stud. ;) I don't blame him. I'm feeling the same way. I'm waiting for my blood results to come back, and then they'll give me the "go ahead" for the Follistim.

For now, we are building Lego towers, making grape Jello, and painting our craft snakes we HAD to have from our Michael's shopping trip this weekend. Gotta say, I feel like I'm living the charmed life lately, despite all these hurdles.


Post edit: Neg LH test today. Injection wasn't so bad. I chickened out right before, and Scout was being needy at the time and I had to go into the bathroom and shut the door. As soon as I got in there, I gave myself a pep-talk and did it. I think I was more nervous about getting something wrong than I was about the actual pain. Jay got nauseous and had to sit on the couch at the thought of me doing it. Poor guy...
Another negative day. Still what I expected.

I'm feeling a few sharp pains every now and again....in both sides. But nothing that is too painful. I was also feeling a little dizzy earlier, but that's passed. We are taking it easy this weekend. Or, I guess, I am taking it easy.

Jay and I wanted to get a sitter last night so we could go on a date. We have a gift card for the Penthouse in Santa Monica that we haven't used yet. We couldn't get a sitter, but JBarton had a little surprise up his sleeve. He returned from the grocery store with salads, steaks, sides, desserts, and wine. We fed Scout her dinner, put her to bed and then had our own date night at home. We cleaned up and dressed nice (Lordy, I even got out of my yoga pants and into a dress!). We wanted to celebrate this time together.

The months ahead have the potential to be stressful. I could be extremely ill, like I was during the first trimester and a half of my pregnancy with Scout. We've got a few hurdles to jump and obstacles to get through, but in the end it will be all SO worth it. We can't wait for what the future holds, and last night was the perfect way to celebrate it. Mister H, you are the best. Looking forward to some more exciting news tomorrow!

Saturday

negative results today. As expected. I wasn't feeling too great last night, and went to bed pretty early. I slept pretty well, but woke up early morning with some abdominal discomfort. Nothing too bad. I can feel the growth of the follies on my right side, and that is what I believe the soreness is from...this is the side that had the largest ones.

Scout ran in our room this morning and jumped on her daddy and said "we can go to Disneyland now! I slept all by myself!" Which was hilarious at 6:45, let me tell ya. It was a cloudy, cool day all day. I stayed home and enjoyed some peace and quiet while Scout and Jay packed up and headed out the door to the Magical Kingdom. I went back to bed and slept until eleven (!!!). Then I got up and in the quiet of the condo, started getting things picked up and cleaned up. I mopped, and vacuumed (not in that order), did the dishes, and some laundry and managed to flip the couch over to get the annoying easy-skidding discs off the legs of the couch (something I've been meaning to do for about three months now). Did you know there are people in this world who pronounce the word "vacuum" like "vac-yu-um?" In the south, we say "vac-yoom." Or in my house we did.

Alright, carry on. As you were.

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hot flashes. grrrrrr.