The big day.

We had our IUI today. It was not at all painful. It was so easy and quick that I told Jay afterwards, "I don't even feel like it was a 'procedure.'"But it was, and hopefully it will result in the thing that makes it all seem easy. 

I went in an hour after Jay, and they did an u/s first. We saw my little follicle "friend" and I secretly spoke to it's black and grey representation on the screen. "Hey little egg. Hey, there. Let's make this work, okay?  I promise it'll be worth it."

Dr. J and I had a discussion about our upcoming trip to Austin. Why we are traveling and so forth. And after that, it was over. The nurse told me to stay there for a few minutes and then get dressed and she would give me my discharge notes. 

And then, I was walking to the car. Punched ticket and discharge instructions in hand. 

I promise it will be worth it. 

Late night

All day today I've been feeling crampy. Apparently it's a side effect of the Ovidrel shot that Doc J's nurse gave me. Ovulation hurts, apparently? Even though it takes about 36 hours for ovulation to occur after the injection...so technically, i suppose the crampy feelings I've been having today could be from the Follistim I gave myself last night. Either way, let it be documented...crampy (new word, I'm the best).

 Scout and Jay have been at all of my appointments. She's been great for comic relief and helping me to stay focused on the meaning of this process. She is a constant reminder at what we are aiming for...another joyful, hilarious, amazing, totally precious child. Today was the first day she realized that I was getting treatment.

When the nurse came in with the injection, she offered to let me inject myself. I politely refused and Scout asked the nurse "Are you going to give her that shot?" The nurse said "yes, are you afraid of shots?" Scout replied with one of her usual anecdotes of "when I was a baby, I used to get shots." And then she said the most hilarious thing: "I wanna watch!" Jay is holding her in his lap and turning his head to the wall, and our brave 3 year old wants to see her momma in pain! Could not have asked for a more hilarious diversion.

 Today is (was?) my dad's birthday. :D Scout said she was going to buy him a bird house....so I guess I better get on that. Have I mentioned how I'm the worst at getting gifts to people on time. I still haven't sent my mom her birthday present. Will probably give it to her when she comes to SaMo next week. Oy, I'm the worst. Also, a happy birthday shout-out to my twinkie, Nicole. She's my sister-from-another-mister (and missus). We met at Freshman orientation and have been buddies ever since. So, happy 30th to her! 

Tomorrow at 3:00 is our first attempt at IUI. Please keep us in your thoughts at that time (5pm Texas Time). I'm really anxious.

Well, to bed. To rest. I think I have to go wake up Jay and have him move to our room....as I can hear him and Scout having a Snorefest in her room. Goodnight, all!

newsy news

SO, we recently returned from our 8 am appointment. The FSH worked! Shots in the stomach, FTW! Who knew? We are scheduled for a late afternoon IUI tomorrow. Tears of joy! Excitement!

goodnight

Last night, I was putting Scout to bed. She'd been bathed, read to, had her glass of milk and teeth brushed. She asked me to crawl into bed with her, and I did. As we lay with our heads on the pillows, she propped her chin up and said "So, what's your name?" I decided to play along and this is what she said.

Me: My name is mommy. What's your name?

Scout: OH! Great name! My name is "Fairy."

Me: Nice to meet you, Fairy.

Scout: So, do you have a problem?

Me: No, do you have a problem.

Scout: Yeah. My sister won't stop making sounds. She's like "SHhhhahehshhshshsssssssssssss."

Me: Oh my, well...did you try telling her "Please be quiet?"

Scout (flips over to other side): Sister, PLEASE be quiet?" (flips back over): Nope, that didn't work. She's so loud. I think she's asleep.

every day i'm hurdling.

Is that even a word?

Just returned from our appointment with Dr. J. Again,we are so impressed and at ease with his level of confidence in our chances. After today's appointment, we have a more clear picture of what may be happening every month. Looks like I'm not ovulating...even with the Clomid. My follicles aren't maturing at a rate that produces an egg. This month, with the help of the larger dose of Clomid, the initial stimulation was excellent and right on track. However, since Friday, the growth has stalled and my follicles are now only measuring around 16, 13 and 12 (remember, ovulation usually happens between 16-20mm at the earliest).

So what are we doing; what's next? Dr. J sent us home with injections of Follistim that I will give myself for the next two days. The shots give the follies extra FSH they need to keep growing at a rate of 1-2mm per day. Think of it as shots of Clomid given straight to the ovaries. I'm returning to his office on Wednesday for another shot that will trigger ovulation and then our IUI will likely happen on Thursday. Then, we leave town on Friday morning to head to the aTx.

My head is feeling foggy. I'm distressed by the lack of growth, but hopeful and optimistic at the same time. I like that we are doing everything we can at EVERY step of the way. I like that we are being monitored. It gives you less time to worry when you know what's going on. Jay is the best pep talker. After the doctor left our patient room, he asked me how I felt about everything. I said I was a little sad, but comfortable with the shots. He said he was just as confident that we have a good chance. He also pointed out something that I hadn't really noticed until this trip to SMF. We are by far the youngest couple in the office at any given time. We've got time and youth on our side, and everything else is perfectly healthy. I've got a hospitable environment for a developing fertilized egg. There is no issue with Jay's side of the equation at all. We've got great doctors.

I'm not excited about giving myself shots. In fact, I asked Jay if he thought he could give them to me. His response? "Oh god no, I'd pass out. I feel like passing out just thinking about it." What a stud. ;) I don't blame him. I'm feeling the same way. I'm waiting for my blood results to come back, and then they'll give me the "go ahead" for the Follistim.

For now, we are building Lego towers, making grape Jello, and painting our craft snakes we HAD to have from our Michael's shopping trip this weekend. Gotta say, I feel like I'm living the charmed life lately, despite all these hurdles.

Post edit: Neg LH test today. Injection wasn't so bad. I chickened out right before, and Scout was being needy at the time and I had to go into the bathroom and shut the door. As soon as I got in there, I gave myself a pep-talk and did it. I think I was more nervous about getting something wrong than I was about the actual pain. Jay got nauseous and had to sit on the couch at the thought of me doing it. Poor guy...

Another negative day. Still what I expected.

I'm feeling a few sharp pains every now and again....in both sides. But nothing that is too painful. I was also feeling a little dizzy earlier, but that's passed. We are taking it easy this weekend. Or, I guess, I am taking it easy.

Jay and I wanted to get a sitter last night so we could go on a date. We have a gift card for the Penthouse in Santa Monica that we haven't used yet. We couldn't get a sitter, but JBarton had a little surprise up his sleeve. He returned from the grocery store with salads, steaks, sides, desserts, and wine. We fed Scout her dinner, put her to bed and then had our own date night at home. We cleaned up and dressed nice (Lordy, I even got out of my yoga pants and into a dress!). We wanted to celebrate this time together.

The months ahead have the potential to be stressful. I could be extremely ill, like I was during the first trimester and a half of my pregnancy with Scout. We've got a few hurdles to jump and obstacles to get through, but in the end it will be all SO worth it. We can't wait for what the future holds, and last night was the perfect way to celebrate it. Mister H, you are the best. Looking forward to some more exciting news tomorrow!

Saturday

negative results today. As expected. I wasn't feeling too great last night, and went to bed pretty early. I slept pretty well, but woke up early morning with some abdominal discomfort. Nothing too bad. I can feel the growth of the follies on my right side, and that is what I believe the soreness is from...this is the side that had the largest ones.

Scout ran in our room this morning and jumped on her daddy and said "we can go to Disneyland now! I slept all by myself!" Which was hilarious at 6:45, let me tell ya. It was a cloudy, cool day all day. I stayed home and enjoyed some peace and quiet while Scout and Jay packed up and headed out the door to the Magical Kingdom. I went back to bed and slept until eleven (!!!). Then I got up and in the quiet of the condo, started getting things picked up and cleaned up. I mopped, and vacuumed (not in that order), did the dishes, and some laundry and managed to flip the couch over to get the annoying easy-skidding discs off the legs of the couch (something I've been meaning to do for about three months now). Did you know there are people in this world who pronounce the word "vacuum" like "vac-yu-um?" In the south, we say "vac-yoom." Or in my house we did.

Alright, carry on. As you were.

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hot flashes. grrrrrr.

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nauseous.

Another post where i rave about our REI specialist....

So relieved. So happy. So anxious. So excited. So emotional.

Today's doc appointment went marvelously. I'm so pleased with our doctor. He is so amazing. I love any experience where the person providing a service explains everything in minute detail. That sounds kinda funny. What I"m saying is: I like when my hair beautician tells me why she is cutting my hair a way that she is or coloring it the colors she thinks I should have. I love when my dentist tells me exactly what he's doing during a cavity fill or root canal. I love knowing what my REI is thinking in regards to our chances of conception this month. I love that he is a realist. He says "so we are learning a lot about you this month. We are also trying for a baby, but if nothing else, we are ultimately learning about your reproductive system. If you come back on Monday, and there's been a stall in your follicle growth, there are injections we can give you to stimulate them and push the eggs to ovulation. But you look right on track for IUI next Wednesday or so."

I'm so relieved, I can't even put it into words. And when I try, the only thing that comes out is ugly crying noises, tears and silly expressions. I've got 3-4 follicles that were measuring at about 12.5mm (CD/Cycle day 10). This is perfect. They typically grow at a rate of 1-2mm per day, and ovulation occurs as early as 16mm or as late as 20-21mm (Doc J also informed us that ovulation with Clomid patients usually happens seven days after stopping the pills---which would put us at Monday the 26th for ovulation). Our chances are looking great. I'm nervous and trying not to be too hopeful....but at the same time, positive thoughts....positive thoughts. I'm going to continue testing my LH and email them the results over the weekend and then go in on Monday for a check up to see how the follies (hehe) progressed over the weekend. Are you learning more about ovulation than you ever thought you would need to know? Good for you. :D

EDIT: Negative LH results today.

Dinner last night

We were having the same battle we've had every meal time for the last, oh I dunno....3 years.

J & me: Scout, eat your dinner.

J & me: Scout, eat your dinner.

J & me: Scout, eat your dinner. and stop playing.

Scout: I want to play with my metal detector. How many bites do I have to eat? Jack (her imag. friend today) ate all his dinner. And his mommy flies. No, I'm just kidding. She just walks, I guess. Mommy, get me DOWN!

J: Hey Scout (in his gentle daddy voice) If you want us to give you a baby brother or sister, you know...you're going to have to feed yourself your own food. Because mommy and daddy are going to have to feed the baby because it's a baby.

Scout: But can we go right now and get one?

J & me: *dead*

whoa

SO...
Started testing my LH today. Negative results. But that's what I expected. I'm not expecting it to be positive until this weekend, or early next week.

But I'm also crying. Ugh! Emotions. Tomorrow, we go in to measure the follicles. This is the day where we find out if the medicine really worked. Did it grow the follicles? Does it look like we are going to have a chance at IUI this month? Do we have to do the Clomid again next month? Grrr. So frustrating. I just remember the last time we went through this. We went in to measure the follicles, and they were not growing. They were smaller at day 11 than they should have been at day 2.

But, I'm going to keep with the positive thoughts. Going to hug my Clomid baby #1 and recite some affirmations. Chao!

blah wednesday

Scout and I are heading to the beach if I can get myself motivated. I've been a bit blah today....and I didn't sleep well last night. So I've basically been hanging out and falling asleep all over the place today. we shall see if the beach happens.

Night and Day

I had a wonderful night of sleep last night. I don't think I moved. I did wake up with a little bit of a headache, and a little dehydrated feeling which I think are related. There is some abdominal discomfort, but not really what I'd consider pain. But, other than that...no dizzyness...no nauseous feeling. Today, I got out of the house and drove for the first time in three days. It felt great. I was so jazzed to be out and about. Scout and I went to see Lion King with some friends...and man...I remember it being a whole lot less "doom and gloom"....the scene where Mufasa dies was a lot more tense and traumatic as a parent than as a kid. The last time I saw it I was in middle school or high school probably. The kids didn't seem too traumatized..Scout burst out with "I think he got killed. But I don't know why." She did cry during the movie, but only because I wouldn't buy her some M&Ms. Silly girl. Have I ever mentioned how she says "M&Ms?" It sounds like "un-e-uns," which I think is ha-lariously adorable. I love her.

So now, the testing game begins. In a couple of days I'll start testing for my ovulation. It's like a pregnancy test but instead of measuring HcG, it measures Lh. Now ya know. I have to start testing and call my REI's office every day with the result. I like that we are being walked through this process. Even though we've done it before, it is so comforting to have the experience of the doctor telling you what you are doing is correct or just having a nurse to double check things with and to bounce questions off of. I cannot recommend seeing a specialist enough.

Jay's tests came back okay so we are set to IUI as soon as I get a positive Lh result. Keep your fingers crossed!

Clomid Chronicles, Day 5

thank goodness for today. I'm almost done with this cycle of Clomid. No more pills, hopefully fewer side effects tomorrow. Feeling safe to drive again will be nice. Scout has been having a movie day today. Which is to say, she is fully functional as far as changing DVDs, and has been on a marathon since eight this morning. I'm feeling a bit nauseous and still really dizzy (I fell against the wall when I first got out of bed this morning). No nervous energy right now, though my fingers are making it difficult to type. I've had a dull headache off and on for about three days, but with a little Ibuprofen, it feels better. I remember that my appetite increased with this dosage the last time I took it, but this round I have been less hungry. I feel full all the time, even when my stomach is growling. There is some discomfort in my abdomen, but doesn't seen to be any bloating at this point which is good. On to the next step!

Clomid Chronicles, Day 4, pt. 2

Feeling horrible. Dizziness all day long...though it got a bit better just by walking around and trying to "fight" it.

I'm up now at midnight....trying to distract my mind. Because...right now. If I'm honest. It feels like someone is pulling on both of my arms...one in each direction. I'm tired. My body is tired. But my mind is racing. I'm emotional, I'm needy...I've been crying at the most random things. Out of no where. Nothing.

I'm thankful that I've not been ridiculously moody. No outbursts. I've been really trying to be brave with all the challenges that taking Clomid presents. It is a physical and mental drug. It has side effects that vary among the patients who take it. Want to feel discouraged? Read a single thread from a Clomid forum.

Tonight is just a bad night. I'm spiraling, but I know that it's almost over. One more day.

Clomid Chronicles, Day 4

Here we are. Day 4.

Feeling so dizzy. I can do nothing that makes the room stop spinning. Luckily, I don't feel nauseous. Just dizzy. A little out of it.

Sleep was fine last night. Nothing worse than the last couple of days. Lots of waking up, but only momentarily. Once or twice, it was the result of Scout waking up. I listened to Jay talk in his sleep again last night. He woke up and said "Noooo....it's not time yet!"

Lots of nervous energy plus dizzyness makes for some funny house cleaning. And trying to type is really hard. so, I'll put this down for now.

Clomid Chronicles, Day 3

So, day 3. Day 2 update first: around 1:00 I was feeling horrible. I spent the majority of the day between the couch and the bed, with a little time spent playing with Scout on the floor. Poor kid, she wanted to go to the park SO bad...but I could not get with the program. I felt awful, had a headache and upset stomach...then the nervous energy. I had this the last time with Clomid, and it was the side effect that made me not really want to do Clomid again. But here we are...because it is the best starting place. So yes, the nervous energy. I feel hyper active in my head...but SUPER sluggish in the body. Lethargic. I think this is what drugs must feel like. I don't know. SO...last night, Jay and I had talks about what we wanted to do this weekend. He proposed Disney. Or maybe I did..I can't remember. Either way....we ended up waking up and shooting out of bed this morning to get in the car to make it to Disneyland. Today was their Halloween opening day. It was awesome. That's another post. I told Jay that I was glad that we went because it gave me something to do with all my energy. I ignored the fact that I slept very little last night and trucked through the day. Scout was a trooper...she wanted to do a lot of new rides or rides that she previously was not thrilled about. She had a blast, and Jay and I got to ride a couple of "40 in. to ride" rides. All in all---it was a great day. I'm dreading the sleeplessness tonight...but at this point, I have to say...I've pretty much been dealing with this round of Clomid a bit better than the last time. On to day 4!

Clomid Chronicles, Day 2

Day 2 here. Woke up with an upset tummy, and a little tired. I had a little trouble sleeping last night, but nothing like the last time I was at this higher dosage. Also woke up to a rainy morning, a very nice surprise.

Realized yesterday that Dr. J gave me 100 mgs per day, not 50. So, a couple of hours after taking my first pill, I swallowed the second. Yesterday was a big day for Jay, and I'm so proud that he is my partner through this. Through this whole process, he has shown me over and over that the most important thing is his family. There is nothing that he does that isn't for us. He badly wants another baby, but more importantly, a sibling for Scout. He wants her to have that experience of growing up with your best friend and #1 nuisance.

We are amazed at this process, because it's different than anything we've done before. We are trying to keep it as organic and natural as possible, but it is hard when everything hinges on procedures, pills, ultrasounds, and blood tests. We love each other so much. I told him I had warm, fuzzy feelings about these next few months. Whether it works this month, or next...or the next, I'm just thankful that we have the opportunity to pursue this avenue. I'm thankful for our good doctor and nurses.

We are headed to Austin later this month to see my wonderful father in law before he starts his 27 month journey to Tanzania to work with the Peace Corp. It wouldn't be complete without a little snag, and we had to change our flights because our timing could not have been worse. Our IUI would have landed square in the middle of the week we were supposed to be gone. I love our families. Everyone has been so understanding of our situation, and told us "Don't worry. We'll do what we have to do to see you guys when you can get out here." That being said, we are flying to Austin the weekend before Glenn leaves, and I know that Jay already feels like it's not going to be enough time. We miss our family, and somehow seeing one of our members leave the country for a couple of years is even harder. We couldn't be more proud of him and his decision to go, but he will be missed and thought of daily.

More tomorrow....

Clomid Chronicles, Day 1

Day 1.
Woke up this morning with a nauseous stomach...but proceeded with my day. Got up and made breakfast for the family. Took vitamins (gagged a little), ate my breakfast and took the first 50 mg Clomid. Feeling fine-ish; a little tired and craving a big coffee or a nap.

Scout woke up early this morning, crying for me. Jay was still up working on a project for work, so I went into her room and asked if she wanted to come lay down with me in my bed (I never...i mean, NEVER do this anymore). She said she did, so we cuddled up in my bed. She told me she loved me (SO MUCH) and quickly fell asleep.

You never get a lot of rest when you sleep with Scout. But, the bonus is waking up to some sweet cuddles.

the prequel

so this is the night before our first clomid/iui cycle begins. the calm? before the storm? Things I'm going to do in the next five days:
1. Take Clomid, 50 ml, once a day.
2. Rest as much as possible, during the day and at night.
3. Probably cry a little.
4. Try to control my temper/irrational hormonability. I just made that word up and I LIKE it.
5. Meditate on good, peaceful, happy thoughts.
6. Cross my fingers. and toes.

p.s.: How ADORBS is my sweetie in her handpicked outfit? She wanted to wear her new "Flowery jacket" over her green "dress" and her pants. WITH the HK sneakers. love her. love her. love her.

Austin area wildfires

Our beloved home-city is being ravaged by wildfires as I type this. They started this weekend and have already burned miles of farmland, parkland and residential properties as well as some businesses. From Bastrop (in the south east) to Leander (in the north west), our friends and family were put on evacuation notice over Labor Day weekend.

I started receiving text messages and emails about whether or not our house in Pflugerville was safe. There was a fire in the neighborhood next to ours, and they were taking water from our lake to extinguish the fire. Our house was mildy in danger, but the hardworking firefighters contained it in a matter of two hours.

Here's a picture of the biggest fire in the area of Bastrop (credit to Deanna Roy who took this picture). That's Austin in the foreground.



My brother posted this only an hour before he was told they might have to evacuate their house in Leander. There was a fire across Crystal Falls Road (where their neighborhood begins) that was consuming the local Lowes. Their house lost power, and they began to gather everything that was essential and irreplaceable and throw it in their cars. My brother posted several times how surreal it was that he was having to make that decision; what to take, what to leave. He was surprised at how little he couldn't live without. How basically everything besides his wife, his kids (dogs), and his self could be easily replaced.

Thankfully, my brother didn't have to evacuate (yet) and are safe (for now). There are many that did have to evacuate...that lost everything. EVERY. THING. Here's a link to how you can help those in need:

Here's a link on how to get updates from your county (in the local Austin area counties including Bastrop, Travis, Blanco, Burnet, Caldwell, Fayete, Hays, Lee, Llano and Williamson. They'll send you a text message alerting you when to evacuate.

I read somewhere that there are already over 1200 homes that were lost to wildfires in the area as of November, and over 600 of them were lost just in the last couple of days. Keep Texas in your thoughts.

Tasty Snack

If you can read The Hunger Games and not run out and buy goat cheese and soft bread to snack on, you...my friend....have no heart. Or stomach. Or something.

Ok...going to eat my cheese and croissant.

This just happened: Saturday Morning

Jay spends all morning...literally all morning.....trying to convince me that we need to buy a new television THIS weekend. Mind you, just last night I agreed that our current plasma t.v. is going to need replacing...maybe it could be our Christmas present. Like, ease me into it...by...CHRISTMAS.

I'm resisting. Telling him it's ridiculous. I don't want to spend the money right now. No way. No how. Don't care how good the deals are right now.

He says these words. "It's 3d. It comes with two free pairs of 3D glasses. And it's $200 cheaper than normal." He measures our current television space. I can see the wheels turning. He's trying to figure out how much television he can get for his buck.

I say: "uh. I don't care. And I can't think of anything more embarrassing than sitting on our couch, with glasses on, watching television." I vacuum the rug.

Finally, after some more badgering, I give in. "Fine. Just don't tell anyone we have a 3d television." (and yes, I know, I'm here telling you all about it)

THEN. He. Measures. The. DVD. Player. The blue-ray we just got for Christmas.

You can imagine the panic that was in my voice as I say. "OH NO YOU DON'T!!"

Boys and their toys. tsk. tsk.

let's just say I saw that coming...

A FB friend of mine recently posted a picture of his three dogs with the feather extensions in their hair. Read that again. DOGS. And not to hate on you or yours if you got them, but I think they might look better on the dogs....

Interview your three year old, again.

After her begging for some delicious cocoa, made just like on Fireman Sam.

"Scout, what's cocoa?"

"It's a drink for putting marshmallows in it. It tastes like coffee. AND strawberries! And you drink it up and it makes you toasty. It's black."

Now that we have that all figured out...