4 years

(Scout turned four on 2-20-12) You're four. I can't believe it. I know I say that every year, but it's true. I just can't believe that you are four years old. And that I am the mother of someone who is four years old. And that that four year old is you. You are so funny, and so caring, and so energetic and talkative and SMART. I won't deny that every parent thinks their children are smart, but you really are. It seems that everything is easy for you. You love to tell us about the things you are learning at school. You practice writing and spelling words, identifying letters and numbers, counting in Spanish, and singing songs about the days of the week. 

You can't wait to share things and teach things to your little sister. I am so excited that you are going to be a big sister. It is a role that I know you will take on with 100% dedication and love. You are so great in this family already, I can only imagine how well you are going to fill the role of big sister. I couldn't see it any other way. 

Your favorite things include: bike riding, playing Mario Party, reading books, Disneyland, drawing/painting, snacks, the park, helping out with indoor chores (who knew!?), and of course, dress-up. You have experienced some new things this year, and in true "Scout fashion," you've grown excited about each of them. We moved across the country this year. While that might seem like a hard transition for anyone to make, you handled it pretty well. You do still ask for your "green house" and "white car" sometimes, but overall, you really love living in California. Of course, you always miss your cousins and grandparents, but luckily everyone has visited and we've been able to spend quite a bit of time visiting Texas as well. 

You took your first trip to the beach this year. Since then, we've gone quite frequently. You LOVE the ocean. You love collecting rocks, shells, sea glass and sand. You've build about 13242934 sand castles. Your favorite thing to do after building them, is to smash them with your "bobom." You think it is hilarious and we all have a good laugh when you do this. I couldn't believe how sunbleached your hair was after this summer. I can't wait to take you and your little sister to the beach together.
Since moving, you've started a new school. It's amazing. I was so worried that you would have issues with detachment since we kept you home for almost nine months. However, you have TOTALLY proved us wrong. Not only do you have no problem saying goodbye in the mornings you are at school...you wake up on school days and ask us "is today a school day? YES!!!!!" You have enjoyed your teachers, Ms. Joanna and Ms. Dominique. You are currently transitioning to the next room up (the last room in the preschool) and you love those teachers as well. I can't believe how big you are getting.
I love you so, so, so, SO much, sweet Scout. You make my world brighter, my days happier and my heart bigger. Thank you for being such an awesome kid. 

19 wk check-in

Hey there! Long time, no post! I know, I know. I've been a little busy...ya know, growing a human. :D My days lately have consisted of resting, eating, resting and eating some more. Throw in the park visits on Monday and Fridays, school drop-off and pick up on T-W-Thr, celebrating Scout's 4th birthday (post on that coming soon), Disneyland with family, Valentine's day and you'll understand why I'm sleepy and hungry all the time. I've finally got my appetite back, but still have the occasional day of nausea. I've run out of Zofran and am trying not to fill my prescription again.

The baby is growing, I believe the "cute fruit" comparison is mango this week. So silly. I've been feeling a LOT more movement in the last couple of days. I think she is going to be a wiggly little thing, like her sister. Scout is getting so excited about having a new baby in the house. This morning, as Jay was leaving for work, we had an impromptu family hug, and Scout said "I love you two." Then she moved around to the front of me, squeezed my belly and said "I love the baby!" Such a sweet thing!

We have the middle name picked out for our little girl. Truth is, we've had this name picked out since we were pregnant with Scout and are thrilled we get to use it! We are going to do the same thing we did with Scout and call this one by her middle name, and give her a more traditional/formal first name.

Other than that? Not much happening here.

It's a....

Week 16/17

SO, I'm currently in my 16th week....today marks 15 weeks 4 days. Whoop! I'm definitely showing more and more these days. I've been experiencing some of those pregnancy symptoms you forget about like nasal congestion and extreme dry sinuses, sternum pain, and oh, those ligament pains. I'm still struggling with nausea at least once a day...but the occasional zofran is still helping with that (though I'm trying not to take it). I've been working on gaining some weight and felt like I was on track until Sunday when Scout got a stomach bug. Something about being up all night with a sick kid that makes you not want to eat very much.

Here's a pic of my beautiful baby belly at 16w4d. About that gaining weight thing...yep, right on track. :D

Family

Lately, Scout has been informing us about her definition of "family." She says things like "I'm a great big sister" already. I've found this is a great way to get her to help out with chores around the house. I'll say, "Hey, your job as a big sister is to pick up your toys and take them to your room." Done! 

Other views have been a little less helpful. She has been experimenting with "talking back." I'll say "You need to listen to me" and the little bird will chirp back "YOU need to listen to ME." One afternoon (after quite a bit of this), I sat her down and said "You are not to speak to mommy or daddy that way. You are the child, I am the mom. I make the rules. (CRINGE!)" She got real sad for a minute and cried out "BUT WE ARE A FAMILY!" What a great moment that was. 

Another night, we were getting ready for bed. Usually, I am the one who tucks her in and stays with her until she falls asleep. I've been trying to tell her how things might change when the baby is here. I might have to feed the baby or comfort the baby when he/she is crying at night and daddy might have to put her to bed. Most of the time when I've mentioned this, she says "yeah, when the baby comes," as in, "not right now, mom." This night, however, she climbs in my lap and says "but what about our time together, and I won't get to hold you and be your family?" I think Jay and I both got a little misty-eyed at that one. 

It's amazing how our family dynamic is going to change in a few months. We are all feeling the same, but dealing with it in our own ways, I think. We are excited, and scared, and worried and thrilled with the expectations of a family of four. 

Music I'm Into

I know you are all hanging around waiting to hear what music I'm listening to lately....sarcasm. Oh, but here it is: I've been digging some Gotye, Of Monsters and Men, and of course Black Keys.

First: this dude is awesome. All of his videos seem to have an artistic concept to them, and he's just a pretty neat kid. This video (for "Somebody that I Used to Know) is no different. It's kinda the perfect "break-up" song. SO, if you're going through a rough break-up, or you just did...and you want to sing about it...kinda softly at first and then with a lot of emotion....put this on REPEAT. But, the great thing is, that you don't have to even have a recent break-up in mind because it is just so relatable. I love his side/her side stories and songs...so this one is great for that. I like how the song works around the story...you hate the girl, and then you get to hear her side and you're instantly like, "wait...a....second..." SO, enjoy.

Then, there's Of Monsters and Men with "Little Talks." This band snuck onto my satellite radio a few months ago...and the song is just so good. Again, it's all about the duets. This one however is a sweet song. Love, love, love how the boy sings "my dear." I may start requiring Jay to sing this song to me. It's one of those sweetly kinda sad songs. Again, lots of emotion in their voices and (one of my favorite things in music) an occasional "HEY!" You can't go wrong with the studio version of this...but I wanted to post the acoustic one, because it proves how talented these Icelanders are. And it's great to hear them count off in Icelandic? Indulge.

This duo is no stranger to my playlist....but I love that Scout loves this song. She calls it "Hang from the Ceiling." ...which might be more appropriate. Anywho...they need no introduction. This song is one of those that will get stuck in your head. 

An article worth reading

THIS is exactly why I could never recommend Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. In fact, I told my parents (who asked if it was supposed to be good) to NEVER go see it. EVER...and if they did, not to talk to me about it. I haven't even seen the American remake of it...but I've heard it's practically exactly the same as the original Swedish version.

Though GWDT is brutal, I have to say that I think the line for me was drawn while watching "A History of Violence." I didn't understand the usage for the scene at that time...and, ever since that movie, I couldn't watch films that included scenes like that. Now, after YEARS of discussing that movie, I've finally come to understand the usage and can appreciate it for that. But, I'll never watch it again or recommend it to friends or family.

Drew writes a very articulate and well-written article that says exactly what I've been trying to verbalize for the past few years. Go see movies, by all means! I'm a fan of most of them... but if you know nothing about GWDT, and you plan on seeing it....then, please inform yourself.

Weird dreams

When I was pregnant with Scout, I remember having some crazy dreams. This pregnancy is no different. So here's one: I dreamed today (during valuable nap time) that I was going in for surgery prep (not sure what my surgery was for) and they put IVs in my ankles. (Do they do that?) I had to get the IV and then I was free to leave until my surgery the next day. Well, when I left the hospital, (this is so gross, I can hardly type it) the IV port got bent the opposite way. SO, I had to go back and get another IV in the other leg. It was truly painful. And no one was there to support me. I woke up with leg pains...apparently I'd been sleeping with my ankles crossed. 

Here's another dream: I had one over the holidays that I was on a date with Nelly (the rapper, circa 2000). I asked him if he could start calling me his "girlfriend." If you know me at all...you know I'm not a Nelly fan. Strange. 

Tomarrow for Emma

When I was a freshman in college, on of my besties from the dorm introduced me to her friend, Sean. I met this teddy bear of a human being who had so much enthusiasm and excitement for life. I've not spent a lot of time with this person in the last 10 years or so, but what time I did spend left a very positive impression. He was always smiling. My friend and Sean dated for some time, and that meant I would go on trips with her to his parent's house or to Dallas or Ft. Worth to meet up with him and some friends.  I'll never forget that Sean took us to eat some of the best TexMex I ever ate in his hometown of Waxahachie.

Sean is now married to the lovely Sarah, who I've not had the pleasure of meeting, but have enjoyed getting to know her through his Facebook feed. He owns a t-shirt printing company that prints garments and other things for churches, schools, and other organizations in the Dallas area.  Another person in Sean's life who I've come to know through FB is his gorgeous daughter, Emma. You can look at that 3 year old's face and basically see that she shares the same enthusiasm and excitement that Sean has always possessed. Which brings me to the sad news. Emma was diagnosed with Leukemia this week. Lots of us have been keeping up with Sean's status updates as they've been going through the testing and trials and when that diagnosis was made public, my heart sank. 

She started her first round of chemo last night and is doing "awesome." She never stops smiling, according to her parents. There is something to be learned there. If you have an extra $20 laying around on your dresser and aren't sure you want to spend it at Buffalo Wild Wings or on something more, let me encourage you to make a donation in this little girl's honor. They are going to need help with medical bills and other expenses. Or, think outside the box. Do you need tshirts?Place an order through 4 Story Graphics. To support them emotionally is also greatly appreciated. Say a prayer. Think a positive thought. Send positive energy. Meditate on healing thoughts. Send a card. 

Here's their story so far:

"Emma came down with a bad stomach virus. After she had somewhat recovered from that she came down with an unknown virus. While we were fighting this virus she broke into a full body rash. We were preparing for a Christmas vacation at the end of December and were getting ready. On December 13th she began to have fever and trouble swallowing. We took her in for antibiotics and a booster injection. On December 15th she began to have swelling on her lymph node. We took her into the emergency room at Children's Medical Center of Dallas and were sent home with a 10 day antibiotic. It never really did anything so on January 4th we brought her back and were immediately admitted for three days. While they were trying to treat her lymph node through IV (which had to be replaced 7 times in 7 days) they found out she had no neutrophils (white blood cells which fight infection). So she underwent many treatments and after a bone marrow biopsy they found out she has Precursor B Cell Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. She has had a port put in, a spinal tap and a second bone marrow biopsy. We know God has a plan for our little girl and refuse to allow anything to take away from our Lord receiving full glory for her healing. 


She loves the color pink and anything to do with Disney princesses. She loves breakfast food and anything that comes from a chicken. She always has some Disney movie playing or music from any of those movies. She loves her action bible that her Aunt Sarah bought her and loves to dance every chance she gets. 

Our daughter has truly shown us how to look past current troubles and find joy in the small blessings God has given us. She is only 3 years old and she has been through more in a week than most people experience in a lifetime, and yet she smiles without ceasing. Thank you so much for your prayers and thoughts. God bless!

Emma was born October 18, 2008. She has been a purely healthy child and has never been sick except for the occasional stuffy nose until the beginning of November."

I believe that miracles happen every day. I believe in the kindness of strangers. I believe in paying it forward. I believe in helping those around you when they need it most. I believe in healing. I believe in everyday kindness. 

Please visit Tomarrow for Emma on Facebook.  And donate if you can. 

Sport's Debut

Without further ado: 

Dr. T said baby was looking great this morning. He/She was VERY active...in fact, we couldn't get him/her to sit still long enough to get a good profile picture. But I think the one above turned out very well. Pure joy. 

Baby is measuring over 13 weeks...which is consistent with the big measurement we got last time. I've lost a little weight, and doc says she'd like to see me gain a little before next time. When do we ever hear that? I remember when I was pregnant with Scout...the nurse would take my weight and bp at every appointment. The month I had finally gained weight, she said something along the lines of "It's about TIME!" In other words, I didn't gain any substantial weight until the third trimester. And BOY did I. ;) 

Anywho...she suggested a protein shake every day in addition to my smaller, more frequent meals should do the trick. I just wish CA had some Blue Bell...then I could show them how it's done. 

Surprise!????

I'm going to jump right into this one. When I got back into town, Jay and I had a serious discussion. What if we waited to find out the sex of the baby until he/she makes his/her debut in July? The problem with this is that I am not good at surprises. Well, that's a first of the many problems I have with it. I like to prepare as much as possible. And in pregnancy...as many of you well know...there is not a lot of control to be had on the part of the pregnant. Decorating a nursery and shopping for baby clothes...that's one of those things that takes your mind off the fact that you are going to give birth in roughly 28 weeks. How hard is it going to be for me to pick a pattern if I don't know what this baby is? Well. This is the part where I start weighing all the supposed "pros" and "cons." Of course, many have decorated a nursery without the knowledge of what the baby has going on in the southern hemisphere. I know that. Obviously. So. This is me *actually* considering this crazy plan. 

Jay was nearly convinced by a complete and total stranger who knew nothing about us other than the fact that we are expecting our second baby. He asked Jay if we were going to find out and then proceeded to tell us (J) why we should wait. He made a pretty convincing case. That, and Jay loves surprises. Either way, I found myself having this conversation with Jay while we were unpacking our suitcases from the holidays. The stranger pleaded with Jay to not find out because it is truly one of the ONLY true surprises left in life. How often are we presented with a chance like that?

So if we are to do this (I'm not convinced yet, but keeping an open mind)...here's a little list of things I figure we'd have to do:
*choose gender-neutral decor (easy peasy)
*choose names for both a boy and a girl
*resist using said names...because what do we call "it?"
*not look when the tech is doing "the" ultrasound. I've seen too many...I know what to look for. I knew Scout was a girl a full 10 minutes before Jay did because of the way our previous tech did the ultrasound.
*be that annoying pregnant person who tells people "no, we aren't finding out"....this includes the nurses and doctors at our OB's office. I'm sure I'd have to remind them. Right? Do people actually do this? I imagine they have to.
*drive myself crazy with all those old wive's tales...and gender predictors....and chinese calendars....and moon charts.
*that's pretty much it.

What are the benefits of finding out? Basically the exact opposite of all the things I just listed. Right? Sure. But here's some of the other things that might influence our decision: We are renters. We can't realistically paint a room pink or blue. So, chances are, it would actually be pretty easy to choose some gender neutral decor. Also? We already have SO much girly stuff that it would be easy to add some girly baby things after the fact. Little details we've kept from when Scout was a babe. I've already been keeping a list of names, so that wouldn't be a problem. We've also sorta nailed it down on the girl's name already. SO. That should be easy.

Also? I'm 12 weeks, and don't feel like I'm DYING to know. I remember with Scout, the only thing that got me through the morning sickness (all day) was the promise that at 16 weeks, I'd know what was making me so sick (a boy or a girl). This time? I can't believe we could already find out in a few weeks. Have I mentioned how much my husband LOVES surprises? I have to admit, it's kinda worn off on me...a little. I look forward to his surprises. This could be the surprise of a lifetime that we could give each other. Also, remember all those movies from the 80s and 90s? Like "She's Having a Baby," "Father of the Bride 2" and all those other ones I can't think of? Remember that amazing moment when they announce "it's a boy" or "it's a girl?" How REAL does that moment feel? And that's just a movie. Imagine that in real life. I dunno. Call me a dreamer...but I'm starting to really want to do this.....starting to.

*Oh my god. Just remembered another movie: Little Women. When John comes upstairs and Meg has just given birth and Marmi turns around and says "It's a boy." And then Hanna turns around and says "And a girl." BEST EVER.

AAAAAAAAND we're back.

It's been a whirlwind for us these last few weeks. We spent three weeks in Texas celebrating the holidays, but more on that later. We are back in Santa Monica and getting into our routines. I love the rush and craziness of the holidays almost as much as I love the re-organizing and re-routining of the new year. Scout starts preschool tomorrow. I'm excited, and a little nervous. But most of all, I'm looking forward to her gaining some social/intellectual experience while I'm getting some time to myself to take care of doctor's appointments and cleaning house and errands and such. 

I'm feeling much better these days. For weeks in November/December, I was too sick to do much of anything...including writing posts. When we left LAX on December 19th, I was armed with my Zofran and a prayer. I stuffed my purse full of granola bars, peppermint tea, candy canes and crackers. Scout and I flew in a week earlier than Jay, so I was on my own with her. She is a great travel companion, and I made it safely without getting sick or embarrassing myself. Over the few weeks we were in Texas, I was able to eat more and even go into restaurants without gagging. It was a very welcome improvement! 

I'm currently 12 weeks 2 days pregnant. Your "cute fruit comparison" for baby's size is a lime. I'm definitely showing earlier this time than I did with Scout. I'm still kind of at that "is she pregnant or just carrying some extra weight" stage. It's alright though, I don't mind. I am absolutely not complaining in any way. Maternity clothes are more comfortable than regular clothes. Besides the few pieces I had that I can wear now, I've bought a few new things and am able to stay dressed in style and comfort. I am loving my sweater dresses/tights/boots look these days. It is my favorite go-to for winter, and this season is no exception. 

Today

I'm sitting at home, eating my lunch and having some delayed-reaction-crying thinking about our first OB appointment today. We met with our regular obstetrician and discussed our pregnancy. We did blood work and signed (lots of) paperwork. We did another U/s and I got to see our little "Sport" move around for the first time. After all we've gone through, to see that little guy or gal thrive inside my body was truly amazing. I know that my ability to grow a human defines me as a woman, but what defines me as a mom is the love I already feel for that kiddo. The thoughts of all the fun we are going to have in the future and the ways this baby is going to change our lives are overwhelming at times, but in a great way. 

I've had friends and relatives who've experienced loss....infertility....and combinations of both. I do not take a second of this pregnancy for granted. I know that terrible things can happen, and that these things all happen for a reason on their own terms and timing. I also am painfully aware that those words do not heal a hurt or fulfill a longing that runs so deep. It's in our nature. We are often defined as the weaker sex, but how amazingly strong are we? We face uphill battles with determination. We pick ourselves up in the midst of devastation. We carry our heads high. We carry our children with us. Back up that hill, because we know that once we get there, the view is spectacular. 

Scout knows oceans

So the other day I was watching this episode of Man vs. Wild (I know). Scout was in our room watching Max and Ruby. She came in to the living room to ask for something (probably food, this kid) just as Bear Grylls used a handmade spear to catch (kill) a lobster in Papua, New Guinea. He pulls it up out of the ocean and is excited about his fresh meal and heads to the shore to put it over the fire. Scout jumps up on the couch and is watching this whole experience. 

When Bear pulled the lobster out of the water, its legs flailing, she starts yelling at the television: "THAT'S A DANGEROUS CREATURE! PUT IT BACK IN THE OCEAN! PUT IT BACK IN THE OCEAN! PUT IT BACK IN THE OCEAN!" 

Jay and I could hardly contain ourselves. This kid is awesome. Can't wait to tell her first date this stuff (when she's 35). 

8 wks 1 day.

Last night, big sister woke up at 3 in the morning. Jay suggested I crawl in bed with her so that he could sneak out early for work in the morning. I slowly got out of bed and made my way to her room where we cuddled and listened to the rain outside and finally drifted to sleep. I was in and out of sleep until we finally got up and out of bed at 7:45 (a late morning for us). 

It was still raining, as it had been all night and we were all slow to start. Jay didn't go in to work early, but rather got up when we did and got ready for the day with us. We rushed off to our final doctor's appointment at Santa Monica Fertility. We met with Dr. S this time, and Dr. J came in at the end of our appointment to check on our progress and say goodbye. 

We heard "Sport's" heartbeat for the first time and it was a wonderful sound. So strong! We've decided to call this babe "Sport" while in-utero, in tribute to Jay's grandfather who passed away earlier this year. Dr. S pointed out the baby's belly and head and hands to Scout in the ultrasound image. Then she showed Scout the heartbeat and that's when she turned on the sound for us all to hear. 

After the measurements were taken (Sport is measuring 8 weeks, 2 days), we discussed holiday travel plans and I asked for some prescription relief from the nausea. Scout and I are heading out a few days before Jay to go to to Pampa to be with my parents for a few days. Then we head to Austin to meet up with the Holzer clan and celebrate Christmas. Since we are going to be flying a couple of days without Jay, I thought I should be at my best (without nausea) and asked for some medicine just in case. I'm nervous about meds when pregnant, but if I'm having a sick day, there's no way I could travel. 

I'm feeling pretty good today, just a little queasy and tired, of course. I was able to eat a healthy dinner last night. I'd been craving "Kitchen Sink Salad" and Jay made me two small meals of the delicious dinner. It is thus far the most flavorful thing I've been able to stomach. But it was delicious and full of nutritious vegetables and protein. 

We meet with our new obgyn on Thursday. I'm excited to meet her and start the next phase of this adventure! 

Sensory Overload

Lately I've been experiencing sensory overload. Smell what the neighbor's cooking? puke. Pants touch my stomach? puke. Jay turns over in the middle of the night, bouncing me just a little? puke. Wash the kiddo's hair and the smell of her shampoo? puke. Hear something gross? puke. Think of something gross? puke. Pregnancy makes you sensitive and vulnerable. 

I just re-booked our Christmas travel plans and now I'm traveling by myself with Scout both TO and FROM Texas. I think it's time I asked for some Zofran and pick up some Seabands. Here's the remedies I've tried so far that have worked and have not worked (this is a tricky dance). Lemon water. Emetrol. Peppermint tea. Preggie Pop Drops. Eating something small and very bland every 2 hours. Resting. Exercise. Distraction. Ginger ale. Avoiding things that make me feel sick. 

Pregnancy sickness is one of those things....a blessing in disguise. It means your body is hard at work. Some attribute it to hormone levels on the rise. Others say it's because the digestive process slows down so much. Some say it's because of those increased senses, or stress and anxiety. Still, some think it's because of low blood sugar experienced during pregnancy. 

Whatever it is, it's the pits. A necessary purgatory. A wonderful means to a fascinating end result. 

The way 3 yr olds understand pregnancy

We've been trying to give Scout an age-appropriate and somewhat realistic view of what's going to happen in the next few months.  I think it's sinking in. She was playing (refusing to clean up her toys) before bedtime tonight and ran into her room with an "OH MY GOODNESS! Mommy! The baby came out of your tummy and is playing with all my toys!"  To which, Jay explained that the baby wouldn't "be coming out of mommy's tummy for quite some time. Because the baby needs to grow. And mommy's tummy is going to grow. Want to see what that looks like?" 

So we pulled up the pictures of my pregnancy with Scout (there are few and yes, the quality is this bad, and no, I didn't wear make up for these). We showed her this one (as to not traumatize her with the very biggest tummy picture).

Then we showed her this one. 

Then, this one.



That's when Scout said "OH NO! What if she POPS?!" Then we all fell over on the floor from laughing. 

I've been feeling a little bit more sick since last week. Yesterday was NOT a good day.  I couldn't look at anything without wanting to throw up. So when Scout asked for lunch....I trucked over to the kitchen (a room seldom visited in the last couple of days by my body)....opened the fridge, and tried to bribe her with a bowl of cereal. Nuh-uh. No way, mom. So I found some spaghetti sauce and decided to make some pasta. As I was waiting for the water to boil, I leaned against the fridge. Scout saw this and came in and this is what happened:

"What are you doing, mom?"

"Trying not to throw up or pass out." 

"Oh no, you're not going to throw up AGAIN! You'll throw up the baby!" 

Yeah...I think she's totally getting it.

Tonight she hugged me and said "Mom. You know what? Your jellies are getting bigger."

Kids. They don't lack brutal honesty. 

Whoa!

I woke up this morning and had 10,015 views! Guys! :D I promise I'll be writing soon. Lots going on over here. 

Things that break your heart

Scout has been telling me that she wants to be a little baby again. I think it's because we've been showing her the ultrasound pictures when she was in my tummy. We are trying to prep her for what she's going to see at our u/s this Monday. 

 Now, she's told me this before. I think I even blogged about it. But this time, it was SO sad. She crawled in my lap tonight, all snuggly in her new fleece footy pjs. She closed her eyes tight and said "I wish, I wish that I could be a baby again." The girl then held her hand out in front of her face and asked "Am I smaller, mommy?"

Trying to make light of the situation, I grabbed her hand and inspected it thoroughly for about two minutes and then said, "I'm afraid you're getting bigger with every minute." 

She cried out in protest, but there was nothing to be done. I wrapped my arms around her and told her the only thing I knew would calm her down (like so many moms around the world, for ages and ages have done). 

"No matter how big you get...you'll always be my little baby." 

giving thanks

I'm thankful for: my family. I have a doting husband, an adorable daughter, supportive parents and a pain-in-the-neck brother who loves me enough to razz me about my cooking. 

I'm thankful for: oyster crackers and water. It's the only thing that got me out of bed this morning. 

I'm thankful for: morning sickness. It reminds me of the life growing inside me. A life I love already. 

I'm thankful for: my husband's fantastic job. We've had an incredible year. SO much has changed and we are having a blast. All that was made possible by his employer and I'm so thankful for that. Hand-in-hand with that...

I'm thankful for: a hardworking husband (yeah, he gets two mentions). He has always worked hard, and is so good at what he does, and that affords us life's little luxuries...like dryer sheets and new cars, trips to Disneyland and food on our table. Plus, it's soooooo cute when he says things that are nerdy. 

I'm most thankful today for: women who've taught me to cook. My grandparents, my mom and my sisters have all taught me so much that I felt so confident in every little thing I did to prepare for my first Thanksgiving meal. Even though I cooked the entire thing alone, in my tiny little kitchen, I felt like I was surrounded by my family. I felt my Mim's presence when making whipped cream and chex mix. I felt my Mamaw's presence when making the stuffing and cranberry sauce. I felt my mom's presence when I smelled the sweet potato casserole baking in the oven. I felt Amanda's presence when dressing the turkey. I felt Allie's presence in the desserts. Jay's grandmother and my great-grandmother were in my mind too today when I made hard-boiled eggs and set out the tray with pickles/olives/okra in it. I'm so glad I decided to make Thanksgiving dinner instead of BBQ or something else. I really felt the love in every bite. I guess that's why they call it comfort food. 

Thank you, friends and family...for making this a tremendous life.