Great article here to educate yourself on fertility issues.
I was going to originally just post this previous sentence. That was going to be my grand statement. But, given the secrecy/shame associated with fertility, I'm going to chronicle our journey here. To catch you up to date:
We tried on our own for a few months in the spring and summer of 2009. After a few unsuccessful months, I decided I wasn't ready for the emotional strain put on Jay and myself.
When Scout turned two in 2010, we began trying again. After more and more and more months of unsuccessful attempts, I decided that in November, I would make an appointment with my Obgyn and hopefully get a referral so that Jay and I could return to Texas Fertility Center. (I guess I should inform you that we were patients with Dr. Silverberg at TFC and successfully got pregnant after our first round of Clomid back in 2007--hence Scout).
After meeting with our Obgyn, we decided that we would do a round of Clomid through her office, and began our first round of 50ml Clomid. We had a proven track record in the form of a fierce 2 year old, and believed that it would work again because I seemed to be ovulating every month without the assistance of prescriptions. No luck. So, just before Christmas...we were aware of our very real struggle to get pregnant.
We tried again in January. We didn't want to get our hopes up. But I have to admit, when we upped the dosage to 100mls, I was expecting results. Soon after, another ultrasound with tiny follicles. Basically, my ovulation cycle is not like everyone else's. It's unpredictable and likes to keep us guessing. Not only that, but the side effects of this dosage were incredibly different. Insomnia, light-headed feelings, nervous energy/panic, and emotional outbursts...in other words, I was turned upside down for about two weeks. Not to mention the pressure of "this better be worth it."
THEN...the big news came that we were moving across the country. So, in a tearful discussion with my obgyn, in February...days before Scout's 3rd birthday...I asked what our next step was. She said that if we were staying in Austin, she would recommend we see an REI specialist. That's Reproductive Endocrinologist and Infertility specialist. Basically, they outline a plan or two and you go home to decide which route is the way to go. But since we were moving....she thought the best thing to do is to wait until we get settled in our new home and then when we were ready, head to the REI specialist.
SO...Monday. August 23rd, 2011. We went to visit Dr. John Jain at Santa Monica Fertility. Coincidentally, the pediatrician that Scout sees is in the same building....across the courtyard. Walking in, we felt at ease...the staff and the doctor were incredibly helpful. We left there with more information than we had received since TFC. We feel at ease with our decision to pursue IUI and have complete trust in the doctor and nurse that will be treating us along the way.
That being said, we have a few more hoops to jump through. There are a few tests that Jay and I have to endure before we can actually get started...but after it all...we have hope.
Happy Anniversary....
Five years ago, on this very day...I was lucky enough to marry my best friend. I say lucky, because not everyone finds what they are really looking for in a mate, marriage partner, life partner, father of their future children, etc....
Then, even if you find that needle in the haystack, you might be legally blocked from marrying them. Currently, in the United States, only 6 states plus the District of Columbia legally recognize same-sex marriages.
So many people have heartbreaking stories like this. and bittersweet stories like this. and still more, like this.
In honor of my 5 year wedding anniversary, please take a moment to check out the Human Rights Campaign. If you can give a donation, that would be great. If you get involved, even better.
Let us live and love in a world where equal opportunity is a real thing.
bedtime
holy moly, there is full-fledged 13 yr. old "you ruined it!" cryelling happening in this house.
cryelling---just made that one up. but you know what it means.
cryelling---just made that one up. but you know what it means.
Scoutings (pt. III)
Things she's said lately:
While in the bathtub--"I need you to bring me something with more life in it. It has three points like a triangle."
After wiping off excessive amounts of lip gloss---"Awww. I'm not BEAUTIFUL anymore!"
While walking to the soccer game---"Geez MOM!"
While in the bathtub--"I need you to bring me something with more life in it. It has three points like a triangle."
After wiping off excessive amounts of lip gloss---"Awww. I'm not BEAUTIFUL anymore!"
While walking to the soccer game---"Geez MOM!"
scout's favorite number
everything is 49.
Me: Scout, how many bites have you had of dinner?
Scout: um, like, 49.
Jay: How many books do you want to read?
Scout: 49.
Me (at ikea): Scout, what are you doing?
Scout: measuring. it's, like, 49.
Jay: Scout, that's too many books.
Scout: NO! It's 49!!!
Me: Scout, how many bites have you had of dinner?
Scout: um, like, 49.
Jay: How many books do you want to read?
Scout: 49.
Me (at ikea): Scout, what are you doing?
Scout: measuring. it's, like, 49.
Jay: Scout, that's too many books.
Scout: NO! It's 49!!!
geez...
So today, I'm really excited. Actually, I got really excited on Saturday...and rushed out and spent more money on shoes than I've spent in a LONG time...at a running store...on running shoes. I know. First world problems.
But...anyway, I'm excited. Today, we are starting a new round of GAME ON!
So here's my stats:
Weigh in: 143 lbs.
How I'm Feeling: Heavy. My fat jeans have become my skinny jeans and my skinny jeans...well, they've been on their hanger for about 5 months now. The thickness in my neck is making me paranoid....and I know its just a little extra weight.
On giving up coffee: I'm missing it. Horribly. But all this water I'm drinking is helping.
Exercise for today: Running. Gotta get my $ worth, there.
But...anyway, I'm excited. Today, we are starting a new round of GAME ON!
So here's my stats:
Weigh in: 143 lbs.
How I'm Feeling: Heavy. My fat jeans have become my skinny jeans and my skinny jeans...well, they've been on their hanger for about 5 months now. The thickness in my neck is making me paranoid....and I know its just a little extra weight.
On giving up coffee: I'm missing it. Horribly. But all this water I'm drinking is helping.
Exercise for today: Running. Gotta get my $ worth, there.
If I were to get married again...inspired by Eastsidebride.com
The following post is inspired by a series on the fabulous blog East Side Bride. Much love.
I've been married to the man for 5 years this August. We've always been on the fast track...engaged after 8 months of dating, married 5 months later, and pregnant with our first kiddo 9 months after that. So, our wedding was planned in a hurry. We simply couldn't wait to be married to each other. It was a beautiful (small) ceremony in South Austin with a designer dress, 100+ temperatures, oak trees, lemon curd cake, champagne toasts and rented tuxedos.
Our tastes have changed and grown over the years and given that we've recently relocated to Southern California (away from family), I think if we were to get married today...it would go something like this:
4th of July (or some other holiday where fireworks are a given): Georgetown, Tx. My venue of choice would be the family's homestead. My in-laws and their friends built a pier-and-beam house in the middle of 5 acres in the Texas hill country in the 90's. It's a bright yellow thing, with a beautiful porch, long red brick sidewalk, and cedar trees galore. I'd ideally have the ceremony performed on the porch while our guests sat on family quilts (collected over the years) draped over hay bales. I love gold when I'm tan and when I'm not...the color works well with my natural skin tones and blonde hair. So, I chose this gold lace frock with slip and metallic gold woven heels (Prada) for height (my man is 6 ft +, and i'm a short 5'4").I've also included some flats, because nothing is worse than sinking into the ground all night long...and also, I'm a bit of a ballet-flats-kind-of-girl.
I love Kendra Scott jewelry (she has a great shop in the South Congress shopping district in Austin, Tx), so I've gone with her Carmella Earrings in white/gold. I love the woven gold band by Botte Gaveneta. It is simple, yet complicated....much like myself. I tend to wear just my wedding band on the daily, so the oval rose cut red diamond "engagement ring" would look perfect on my right hand. For my "something blue" I've included the blue/gold wide bangle. I'm also a bit of a traditionalist....I like the "something old, borrowed, blue" of weddings. The Maison Michel headpiece is tdf. I love the heavy stones braided and tangled in the wire. If I didn't wear this, my maid/matron of honor would. It's just gorgeous.
The pinstripe trouser (true, it's women's clothing) are a template for what I'd like to see my guy in. Black or navy with gold/taupe stripe....yum. There's just something about tall men in pinstripe suits. Right?
My favorite color is retro-avocado. So, to add that in, I've found these great "picnic" melamine plates from Crate & Barrel. These would absolutely be on my registry.
I'm from Texas. My family raises cattle. There would HAVE to be BBQ. And banana pudding in lieu of a traditional cake. It's just a fact of life. I'd also include some chopped Vegetarian "BBQ" from Jo's Coffee Shop for the vegetarian in-laws and guests.
We have a few friends (being from Austin) that are in the music business, so the shindig following the ceremony would be all about music, dancing and sing-alongs. We'd invite everyone we know, because we miss everyone like hell right now. As the night would come to a close, we'd give everyone the option of riding into town to see the city's fireworks. It would be the perfect way to start our life together...again.
I've been married to the man for 5 years this August. We've always been on the fast track...engaged after 8 months of dating, married 5 months later, and pregnant with our first kiddo 9 months after that. So, our wedding was planned in a hurry. We simply couldn't wait to be married to each other. It was a beautiful (small) ceremony in South Austin with a designer dress, 100+ temperatures, oak trees, lemon curd cake, champagne toasts and rented tuxedos.
Our tastes have changed and grown over the years and given that we've recently relocated to Southern California (away from family), I think if we were to get married today...it would go something like this:
4th of July (or some other holiday where fireworks are a given): Georgetown, Tx. My venue of choice would be the family's homestead. My in-laws and their friends built a pier-and-beam house in the middle of 5 acres in the Texas hill country in the 90's. It's a bright yellow thing, with a beautiful porch, long red brick sidewalk, and cedar trees galore. I'd ideally have the ceremony performed on the porch while our guests sat on family quilts (collected over the years) draped over hay bales. I love gold when I'm tan and when I'm not...the color works well with my natural skin tones and blonde hair. So, I chose this gold lace frock with slip and metallic gold woven heels (Prada) for height (my man is 6 ft +, and i'm a short 5'4").I've also included some flats, because nothing is worse than sinking into the ground all night long...and also, I'm a bit of a ballet-flats-kind-of-girl.
I love Kendra Scott jewelry (she has a great shop in the South Congress shopping district in Austin, Tx), so I've gone with her Carmella Earrings in white/gold. I love the woven gold band by Botte Gaveneta. It is simple, yet complicated....much like myself. I tend to wear just my wedding band on the daily, so the oval rose cut red diamond "engagement ring" would look perfect on my right hand. For my "something blue" I've included the blue/gold wide bangle. I'm also a bit of a traditionalist....I like the "something old, borrowed, blue" of weddings. The Maison Michel headpiece is tdf. I love the heavy stones braided and tangled in the wire. If I didn't wear this, my maid/matron of honor would. It's just gorgeous.
The pinstripe trouser (true, it's women's clothing) are a template for what I'd like to see my guy in. Black or navy with gold/taupe stripe....yum. There's just something about tall men in pinstripe suits. Right?
My favorite color is retro-avocado. So, to add that in, I've found these great "picnic" melamine plates from Crate & Barrel. These would absolutely be on my registry.
I'm from Texas. My family raises cattle. There would HAVE to be BBQ. And banana pudding in lieu of a traditional cake. It's just a fact of life. I'd also include some chopped Vegetarian "BBQ" from Jo's Coffee Shop for the vegetarian in-laws and guests.
We have a few friends (being from Austin) that are in the music business, so the shindig following the ceremony would be all about music, dancing and sing-alongs. We'd invite everyone we know, because we miss everyone like hell right now. As the night would come to a close, we'd give everyone the option of riding into town to see the city's fireworks. It would be the perfect way to start our life together...again.
Happy 4th of July!
Happy 4th of July! And happy birthday to my lovable grindad!
We spent our long weekend doing this:
and this:
and also attended fireworks show and soccer game, care of the L.A. Galaxy! Go Galaxy!
We spent our long weekend doing this:
and this:
and also attended fireworks show and soccer game, care of the L.A. Galaxy! Go Galaxy!
The things we wish for.
"Be careful what you wish for!" I remember hearing that phrase throughout my childhood with various intent. It was used as a parental threat after empty teenage angst-y threats. It was used as a warning for the potential of getting adverse results of a wish truly realized.
Even as an adult, we think to ourselves, "I wish..." But, we should be careful what we wish for.
I can't tell you the number of nights I wished Scout could soothe herself to sleep without my having to be right next to her. Never to the extent of that now infamous "parenting book" that shall not be named here...but I always thought it must be nice that Jay got that hour or so of solidarity every night while Scout and I battled it out before peaceful sleep.
Now that we are at that point in her development, I am mourning those nights when we would lie down and talk about our favorite part of the day; when we would snuggle until one or both of us drifted off to sleep. I hug her even more during the day than I used to. I ask her to snuggle with me on the couch in the afternoons and in the morning when she wakes up, she crawls into our bed and cuddles silently for a few minutes.
Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it...
Even as an adult, we think to ourselves, "I wish..." But, we should be careful what we wish for.
I can't tell you the number of nights I wished Scout could soothe herself to sleep without my having to be right next to her. Never to the extent of that now infamous "parenting book" that shall not be named here...but I always thought it must be nice that Jay got that hour or so of solidarity every night while Scout and I battled it out before peaceful sleep.
Now that we are at that point in her development, I am mourning those nights when we would lie down and talk about our favorite part of the day; when we would snuggle until one or both of us drifted off to sleep. I hug her even more during the day than I used to. I ask her to snuggle with me on the couch in the afternoons and in the morning when she wakes up, she crawls into our bed and cuddles silently for a few minutes.
Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it...
Time apart
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I'm not sure about that, but I know that the absence of my friends and family seems to bring a sort of longing in my heart that can be tangible pain at times. The hardest part of this new endeavor thus far has been the missing of family and friends.
This weekend, I was able to reverse the day-to-day and spend time with my besties and away from my husband and daughter. The excitement of spending two whole days with my friends with undivided attention plus TexMex seemed almost too much to bear. Then, just two days before I was set to return to the land of scorching heat and humidity, the parental guilt kicked in. I felt horrible for leaving J&S and knew I would be missing them the entire time I was gone.
That didn't stop me from having an excellent time.
But it did make for some really conflicting moments of internal dialogue standing in security checkpoints. I almost felt sorry for the guard in Houston who asked me how my day was. I almost came apart standing in front of him--not what he asked for that day when he clocked in, I'm sure. I cried from the minute we arrived at the airport until almost two hours into my flight. I couldn't help it. I missed my friends, and wanted to smuggle them onboard with me.
I love our life here in Cali. I love this incredible opportunity we've been given, but if I could have my friends here, it would be perfect. I'm looking forward to making new connections here with new friends and old.
On another note, while I was gone....someone started going to bed by herself, using the word "Ye-ah" (think flava-flave) and somehow, her hair got curlier. How much fun did they have while Mom was out of the house?! Pirate baths, playdates, new parks explored and bagel Sunday! Luckies!
This weekend, I was able to reverse the day-to-day and spend time with my besties and away from my husband and daughter. The excitement of spending two whole days with my friends with undivided attention plus TexMex seemed almost too much to bear. Then, just two days before I was set to return to the land of scorching heat and humidity, the parental guilt kicked in. I felt horrible for leaving J&S and knew I would be missing them the entire time I was gone.
That didn't stop me from having an excellent time.
But it did make for some really conflicting moments of internal dialogue standing in security checkpoints. I almost felt sorry for the guard in Houston who asked me how my day was. I almost came apart standing in front of him--not what he asked for that day when he clocked in, I'm sure. I cried from the minute we arrived at the airport until almost two hours into my flight. I couldn't help it. I missed my friends, and wanted to smuggle them onboard with me.
I love our life here in Cali. I love this incredible opportunity we've been given, but if I could have my friends here, it would be perfect. I'm looking forward to making new connections here with new friends and old.
On another note, while I was gone....someone started going to bed by herself, using the word "Ye-ah" (think flava-flave) and somehow, her hair got curlier. How much fun did they have while Mom was out of the house?! Pirate baths, playdates, new parks explored and bagel Sunday! Luckies!
Things I'm missing:
1. Friends/Family (duh)
2. Queso (specifically, Magmud and Cowboy Queso)
3. Hopdoddy burgers (followed by...)
4. Amy's Ice Cream/Hey Cupcake!
5. Barton Springs on HOT summer days
6. Random nights on SoCo with my besty
7. Chuys
That's all for now.
p.s.: SERIOUSLY. I could cry. right now.
2. Queso (specifically, Magmud and Cowboy Queso)
3. Hopdoddy burgers (followed by...)
4. Amy's Ice Cream/Hey Cupcake!
5. Barton Springs on HOT summer days
6. Random nights on SoCo with my besty
7. Chuys
That's all for now.
p.s.: SERIOUSLY. I could cry. right now.
Fashion Files
Scout has developed an ecclectic fashion sense in the last couple of months. Dressing up used to be her favorite past-time. Now, literally dressing herself, is one of her favorite activities in our day. She loves accessories...hats, necklaces, scarfs, and shoes...this girl loves them all. Here are some recent pictures, in various formats.
In honor of one missed...
We are actively fundraising for Relay for Life this year.
The team name is Accolades for Brad.
If you would like to donate follow this link.
The team name is Accolades for Brad.
If you would like to donate follow this link.
Happy Father's Day....
To all the daddies out there. And especially to the one of this girl:
Without whom, I don't know what I'd do.
Without whom, I don't know what I'd do.
Hi! Happy Friday!
Anyone else dying to know what Natalie Portman named her baby boy? Just me? Ok...
Yeah, ok...it's none of our business. I can imagine being in the spotlight...how I'd want to protect my newborn child as much as I could from the world of paparazzi, red carpets and gossip mags.
On another note...how did my house get to be such a mess this week without me even noticing? Oh yeah....her!
Yeah, ok...it's none of our business. I can imagine being in the spotlight...how I'd want to protect my newborn child as much as I could from the world of paparazzi, red carpets and gossip mags.
On another note...how did my house get to be such a mess this week without me even noticing? Oh yeah....her!
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| From |
Not so wordless wednesday...
So excited. I purchased a ticket yesterday to fly to Houston to see some friends and to also see this:
Schedules and Star Charts
Any other stay-at-home moms have their kiddos on a schedule? I'm trying to get in some activities every week and have formulated a schedule that was similar to what she did at school. It's not as rigid as it sounds; I think it is honestly more for me than for her. I want to teach her things and the only way to do that is to hold myself accountable with a list.
We've also introduced the idea of a star chart. This is how she was potty trained at school. I don't think she entirely understood it (she was 2 at the time). But we are trying it again with "good behavior," she gets a star. That is, any time we set a task for her, if she accomplishes it without a fit or general bad behavior, she gets a star. We've been having a few of those lately. And by a few, I mean, every time we ask her to rest or get ready for bed, it's an hour of all-out-war. I'm trying to teach her the importance of setting goals with this too. If she gets enough stars, we get to go to Legoland (which she loved).
I'm getting back into the swing of things here!
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