so going home tomorrow...

Current mood: okay

Dad's not doing well. He's been sick for some time. Can't eat. Depressed. He's misplaced 25 lbs. since Christmas. He's been going to the doctors, getting tests run...

I am one of those kids in the family that started to view my parents as my best friends and not so much my parents when I was in college. I'm very close to my family and my parents are the kind of people who truly love me no matter what happens. No matter what retarded thing I do (like calling Ms. Cleo my freshman year), or how bad I mess up (like failing classes in college), or what I say ("dang__ is a bleep sometimes."), they laugh with me and cry with me and generally help me out of my mess.

It's really weird when you see your parents sick and you start to think what would happen if they weren't around. I know for a fact, that my world would be a completely different place, if not for my dad. I never was a daddy's girl growing up. I was kinda a loner. I liked being held for the first thirty minutes I was awake and then I didn't want to be touched. But then I start to think of all those memories of falling asleep on the couch and being carried to my bed by my dad, half asleep. I remember feeling so safe when he tucked me in so tight. And how great it felt just to know that my parents were sleeping across the hall from me if I ever needed them. I see my brother with Kendall, and I think of how it must have been for my dad. I think I've definetly become a daddy's girl in the last couple of years of my life. He's the guy I can go to and talk about anything. He's probably the only one in my family who can speak rationally to me and get me to think clearly when I'm throwing a fit. I look forward to him giving me away and playing with my kids. Everything I do now is to make him proud of me.

On the other hand, I'm definetly a mom's gal too. I talk to my mom every day. EVERY day, at least once a day and that doesn't include emails. I guess it's just nice to have them involved in every part of my life. Though it can be annoying at times, I know they mean the best and want the best for me (now more than ever). My mom was always the type of mom to put a note in my lunchbox. And now that I'm 23 (almost 24), she still does things like this in her own way. Example: today when I got back from lunch, there was a two line email in my inbox that said "I can't wait for you guys to get here. I"ll call you tonight." Like I didn't know she would call tonight. I love it.

I'm so lucky to have my parents and I couldn't think of a better pair for me or my brother. They have set great examples (both in thier triumphs and their faults). I know that Dustin is a great parent because our parents were so great. They have taken care of me in so many ways that I would not hesitate to do the same for them. I would feel blessed. I know I kid them a lot, and give them a hard time, but I really do love them. It's such a cool place to be in when you can think of your parents as your equals, and they think of you as the same.

So we are going home tomorrow, and I can't wait to see my parents. Please keep my dad in your thoughts and prayers.