Today

I'm sitting at home, eating my lunch and having some delayed-reaction-crying thinking about our first OB appointment today. We met with our regular obstetrician and discussed our pregnancy. We did blood work and signed (lots of) paperwork. We did another U/s and I got to see our little "Sport" move around for the first time. After all we've gone through, to see that little guy or gal thrive inside my body was truly amazing. I know that my ability to grow a human defines me as a woman, but what defines me as a mom is the love I already feel for that kiddo. The thoughts of all the fun we are going to have in the future and the ways this baby is going to change our lives are overwhelming at times, but in a great way. 

I've had friends and relatives who've experienced loss....infertility....and combinations of both. I do not take a second of this pregnancy for granted. I know that terrible things can happen, and that these things all happen for a reason on their own terms and timing. I also am painfully aware that those words do not heal a hurt or fulfill a longing that runs so deep. It's in our nature. We are often defined as the weaker sex, but how amazingly strong are we? We face uphill battles with determination. We pick ourselves up in the midst of devastation. We carry our heads high. We carry our children with us. Back up that hill, because we know that once we get there, the view is spectacular. 

Scout knows oceans

So the other day I was watching this episode of Man vs. Wild (I know). Scout was in our room watching Max and Ruby. She came in to the living room to ask for something (probably food, this kid) just as Bear Grylls used a handmade spear to catch (kill) a lobster in Papua, New Guinea. He pulls it up out of the ocean and is excited about his fresh meal and heads to the shore to put it over the fire. Scout jumps up on the couch and is watching this whole experience. 

When Bear pulled the lobster out of the water, its legs flailing, she starts yelling at the television: "THAT'S A DANGEROUS CREATURE! PUT IT BACK IN THE OCEAN! PUT IT BACK IN THE OCEAN! PUT IT BACK IN THE OCEAN!" 

Jay and I could hardly contain ourselves. This kid is awesome. Can't wait to tell her first date this stuff (when she's 35). 

8 wks 1 day.

Last night, big sister woke up at 3 in the morning. Jay suggested I crawl in bed with her so that he could sneak out early for work in the morning. I slowly got out of bed and made my way to her room where we cuddled and listened to the rain outside and finally drifted to sleep. I was in and out of sleep until we finally got up and out of bed at 7:45 (a late morning for us). 

It was still raining, as it had been all night and we were all slow to start. Jay didn't go in to work early, but rather got up when we did and got ready for the day with us. We rushed off to our final doctor's appointment at Santa Monica Fertility. We met with Dr. S this time, and Dr. J came in at the end of our appointment to check on our progress and say goodbye. 

We heard "Sport's" heartbeat for the first time and it was a wonderful sound. So strong! We've decided to call this babe "Sport" while in-utero, in tribute to Jay's grandfather who passed away earlier this year. Dr. S pointed out the baby's belly and head and hands to Scout in the ultrasound image. Then she showed Scout the heartbeat and that's when she turned on the sound for us all to hear. 

After the measurements were taken (Sport is measuring 8 weeks, 2 days), we discussed holiday travel plans and I asked for some prescription relief from the nausea. Scout and I are heading out a few days before Jay to go to to Pampa to be with my parents for a few days. Then we head to Austin to meet up with the Holzer clan and celebrate Christmas. Since we are going to be flying a couple of days without Jay, I thought I should be at my best (without nausea) and asked for some medicine just in case. I'm nervous about meds when pregnant, but if I'm having a sick day, there's no way I could travel. 

I'm feeling pretty good today, just a little queasy and tired, of course. I was able to eat a healthy dinner last night. I'd been craving "Kitchen Sink Salad" and Jay made me two small meals of the delicious dinner. It is thus far the most flavorful thing I've been able to stomach. But it was delicious and full of nutritious vegetables and protein. 

We meet with our new obgyn on Thursday. I'm excited to meet her and start the next phase of this adventure! 

Sensory Overload

Lately I've been experiencing sensory overload. Smell what the neighbor's cooking? puke. Pants touch my stomach? puke. Jay turns over in the middle of the night, bouncing me just a little? puke. Wash the kiddo's hair and the smell of her shampoo? puke. Hear something gross? puke. Think of something gross? puke. Pregnancy makes you sensitive and vulnerable. 

I just re-booked our Christmas travel plans and now I'm traveling by myself with Scout both TO and FROM Texas. I think it's time I asked for some Zofran and pick up some Seabands. Here's the remedies I've tried so far that have worked and have not worked (this is a tricky dance). Lemon water. Emetrol. Peppermint tea. Preggie Pop Drops. Eating something small and very bland every 2 hours. Resting. Exercise. Distraction. Ginger ale. Avoiding things that make me feel sick. 

Pregnancy sickness is one of those things....a blessing in disguise. It means your body is hard at work. Some attribute it to hormone levels on the rise. Others say it's because the digestive process slows down so much. Some say it's because of those increased senses, or stress and anxiety. Still, some think it's because of low blood sugar experienced during pregnancy. 

Whatever it is, it's the pits. A necessary purgatory. A wonderful means to a fascinating end result.