favorite things

The new condo we are living in has some pretty awesome "old hollywood" details. Built in the 1940's, this building is as sturdy as it comes. Gorgeous refinished hardwood floors, updated fixtures and granite countertops are just a few of the reasons we fell in love with this place. There are some other little details that add some charm to the place. Here they are:


Tiny drawers in the kitchen. Useful for tools, coozies, and parchment paper.


Cool crank-to-open windows and rose bushes all around the front and side of our condo. lovely.


Swanky new sink.


Here's our peep hole. Very cool.


Old school mailboxes. So cool. Also, tiny.


The front courtyard. We're all the way at the back, which is great. Lots of room to play, no street noise, and beautiful landscaping.

evolution

Scout woke up this morning and started her usual "entertain me" antics. We sleepily told her to go draw in her room while we woke up, gathered our thoughts and our coffee, and tackled the seemingly-never-ending task of organizing and putting together our new furniture. She comes in the kitchen and without a word hangs up a masterpiece on the fridge. Jay sees this and asks her what her picture is.

It's a big, scary monster and a rain cloud. Then, picture Jay's jaw dropping to the floor. It is that, exactly.

Exhibit A:



So, being the inquisitive parents we are. We said "hey, scout, can you draw a funny monster?" So, off she runs to her room as we discuss her incredible, overnight ability to draw things with legs and faces and arms, instead of just scribbles and swirls and blobs. How do they just know? Where did this ability come from?
Then, to our amazement, she emerges with this:

Exhibit B:


I've never been this proud in my life. I'm framing her subsequent series of monsters for our living room. Seriousness.

Infertility.

(If this is too much info for you....color me "shocked that anyone still reads this blog")

A few random thoughts about infertility:

*buying (wasting money) on pregnancy tests makes me crazy. The amount of money spent in the last two years equals somewhere around $300. Probably upwards of that. And I'll never shake the feeling that I really want a fruit roll-up after opening the eerily similar packaging.

*initial consultations (not covered by insurance) start at $300. or $100 for 10 minutes up to $550 for an hour plus the cost of all of your ultrasounds ($300 per). And you don't even get free cookies or a commemorative dish or logo-water bottle. Then, let's talk about the costs of IVF, IUI, and other fertility treatments....oy!

*It all sucks, but we do it anyway. The end result is so totally worth it.

Ms. Maebe

If you've ever wanted a dog that could retrieve a ball or frisbee or shoe for 2 hours straight, let me introduce you to Maebe.

We adopted this sweet girl when she was a pup....her birthday is estimated to be Halloween of 2006. She is the kind of dog that can't get enough love from you, but once given the correct guidance and signals, she will find her spot and give you the perfected "puppy eyes" until you give her the "okay" for more scratches behind the ear. She loves hiking and the great outdoors. She is great around kids (lets them climb on her, poke at her with little annoyance), and other dogs. She usually tends to be the least dominant in the room (which is to say: she's a little nervous and shy, but not to a fault). She can be taken off the leash, but does need to be acquainted with her surroundings and owner for a good while before attempting this. She's a retriever at heart and fits the mold pretty much to a "T."
Shots are up to date, but she will require a teeth cleaning from your vet. Loves swimming and bath time as well as grooming. All of her dog gear will go with her wherever she goes. She has a crate, but does not get crated unless absolutely necessary. That is to say, she prefers to be able to lounge and move around during the day. She is good about not chewing on things, but does like to sneak in a couch-nap during the day, if allowed. Leash trained and house-trained, as well as basic obedience training (sit, shake, load-up, down).

We aren't able to bring her to California per our lease agreement and arrangements we've made have fallen through. Please, if you or someone you know is looking to adopt an excellent canine partner in crime, let us know. She needs a very loving home.



*UPDATE* Maebe has found a new home where she's getting LOTS of love, long walks and countless ear scratches. :D She's happy as can be!
also, she's into art.

I love weddings...

Can't help it. Congrats to the Duke and Dutchess.

well, hello there. it's been a while, old friend.

So, what have we been up to since March 10th? Oh, the usual...moving across the country, playing on the beach, enjoying ocean breezes and loving life in general.
Best to do things in pictures.


Saying Goodbye to the LRD for now...


Last Magnolia Breakfast for a while


Middle of Nowhere, TX



Me + Scout, Golfland in Pheonix



8 Am swimming in Phoenix


AZ Cactus


California Wind Farms


Bucket Shopping on the Santa Monica Pier


Scout <3s In-N-Out


Happy Earth Day, everybody.

Mini-Vacay with my love.

Olympic Peninsula, WA - Canon T2i from Jay Holzer on Vimeo.

BIG news.

If you haven't heard through various social media outlets yet....we are moving! Jay and his company have been "in talks" about a move to the Los Angeles area for about four months now, and we've made it official! We move...next month! Ah! April 15th, you'll find us living it up (or pulling our hair out, trying to find a permanent place to reside) in sunny SoCal! More specifically, we're headed to Santa Monica.

How are we doing? Oh, we are losing our minds with excitement. But at the same time, it all seems bittersweet and surreal. We've always talked about a move and said "no, we could never leave Austin. We love it so much." But at the same time, we've always been open to the idea should the situation present itself. We will miss our friends and family most of all. And how.

So, in the next few weeks I'm going to be interviewing moving companies, resigning from my job, packing a month's worth of belongings for three into my Santa Fe and driving West.

It's amazing. It's ridiculous. It's scary. It's exciting.

It's happening.

Feb. 20, 2011

holy moly. you're three.

Things I'm going to do after April 15th.....

*take scout to the beach
*tour houses with amazing views
*be cut/colour model for free @ Vidal Sassoon
*wear sundresses galore
*get some shades
*take scout to the parks
*teach scout to read
*teach scout to tie her shoes
*hike in the palisades
*Cali baby
*call family everyday
*cry a little
*rejoice in the new/now/familiar/strange
*teach scout to ride a bike

The Flu

Scout has "the flu," so I've been home for the last two days with her while she recovers. Which, if this is the flu...I'll take it. Because it hasn't been all that bad honestly. She's had a cough and runny nose, has been REALLY lethargic, achy, and has had a little bit of a tummy issue.....but no vomiting or high fevers. I don't know if her diagnosis was correct or if my kid has a super immune system that fights off the worst of symptoms. Either way, she is appearing to be better (on day 3 now) and has had us watching Wonder Pets and playing board games with her all morning.

On a related note, I always instinctively type "flue" and then also instinctively delete the extra letter. I heart spelling.

Allergen season is on the horizon, people...so be sure to load up on your pollen solution and honey and zyrtec. It is the only thing I have grown to loathe about CenTex. Cedar fever. and Oak pollen. omg. Looking forward to our escape in a couple of weeks to Seattle...snow falling from the sky instead of pollen!

Edge of your seat announcement coming up this week. Keep your fingers and toes crossed. It might be better than Oprah's family secret revelation.

Christmas where it snows

We went to my family's hometown to spend Christmas this year. It was another memorable one for us. So much going on that we tried to capture on film. Scout must have been a good girl because Santa came to see her TWICE on Christmas Eve. She wasn't a bit afraid and even hugged him several times. So much changed from last year. She looks so grown up and is such a big girl. I find myself grasping at those bittersweet moments of fleeting childhood on a more frequent basis. How could anyone not smile just being around this silly little thing?

It's Christmas time....

Quotes I love from Little Women:

"That's Meg. She's my sister. She's completely bald in front." -Jo

"If you hit and humiliate a child, the only lesson you teach her is to hit and humiliate." -Marmi

"Go and embrace your liberty. And see what wonderful things will come of it." -Marmi

"over the mysteries of female life, there is drawn a veil...best left undisturbed." -Mr. Brooks

"If only I were the swooning type."-Jo
"If only I were the catching type."-Laurie

"Don't let the sun go down on your anger. Forgive eachother. Start again tomorrow."-Marmi

"Don't be such a beetle. I could never love anyone as I love my sisters." Jo

"And this one has ruined her disposition completely with books." Aunt March

"How I wish I could give my girls a more just world. But I know you will make it a better place." Marmi

"Jo! How could you? Your one beauty!" Amy

"I don't want to die. I've never even been kissed. I've waited my whole life to be kissed. What if I miss it." Amy
"I'll tell you what, if you get sick, I will kiss you before you die." Laurie

"We'll all grow up someday. We might as well know what we want." Amy

I have loved you since the moment I clamped eyes on you. What could be more reasonable than to marry you....(and the rest of the proposal denied passage)" Laurie

"I should have been a great many things, Mr. Mayer." Jo

"Why does everyone want to go away? I love being at home. But I do not like being left behind. And now I am the one to go ahead. I am not afraid. I can be brave like you. But I know I shall be homesick for you, even in Heaven." Beth

"Jo; such a small name for such a person. Will you have me?" Prof. Baehr

"But I have nothing to give you. My hands are empty!" Prof. Baehr
Placing her hand in his "Not so empty now." Jo

Sunday, Funday....er, weekend.

Sunday, Funday....er, weekend.
Had an amazing time this weekend. Old friends, new friends, happy times all around! Celebrated a birthday, lounged in the sun, ate some great food and even spotted a celebrity. I love living in Austin. I love sharing this great city with all of the people in my life. I could not ask for a bigger blessing. Well....maybe one more thing.

oops...

I've totally dropped the ball here. Minus like, 100 points for me.

thursday

Happy Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for it all.

Tuesday

Jay is working tonight, so I'm left to my own devices. Scout fell asleep around 8, which has been her new normal. She's been doing so good lately with the falling asleep on her own. Having those 10 days away from home really helped with that. She's beginning to learn that she's a big girl...which makes her really sad at times. She says things like "hold me like a baby" or " I don't want to grow big." It breaks your heart, really. She is SO big. No longer a baby....we are sneaking up on THREE. Oh dear.

Turkey on the brain

Thanksgiving.
It's a week away and I'm already CRAVING that dressing and gravy. MMMmmmmMMMm! I've had a great year, and have a lot to be thankful for. I'm thankful for a loving husband who works very (VERY, VERY, VERY) hard. I'm thankful for a silly 2 (almost three!) year old that keeps me on my toes. I'm thankful for the roof over my head and that full belly of mine. Tonight, I'm thankful for Chinese take-out and Disney movies (it's been that kind of day). One more day!

Journaling Day 2

I drove all morning in the rain yesterday. To see the snow and to see the two year old, of course. It was a nice time. Being alone with your thoughts (as shallow or as deep as they may be) is a fierce thing.
I was talking to Jay a couple of days before I left...we were discussing the amount of people I knew that have died versus how many he knew. It seemed to be a staggering number. What's that about? Dying?

When I arrived, I took her to my childhood bedroom to put her down for nap. She asked me to stay. 

Journaling Day 1

Hello Journal.
Here's an experiment, just to get my mind working again. Open-ended, free-flowing, stream of consciousness journaling. Day 1. I will type for two minutes today. Starting now, 2:11 pm. Scout is asleep. We are cuddling. I am so elated to be near her, that I don't want to be apart. I hold her while she naps, I cuddle her close. I smell her hair, and it smells differently. She looks changed and sounds strange. Her voice is much clearer and her wants are known. Ten days is too long to be apart. I can't even believe that we did it! She only cried a copule of times, but I cried every day. "You're too far away for a minute" was too hard to bear some days. But what a blessing for her grandparents and great-grandparents.

Kids say the funniest things!

Someone's been not just asking for a baby sister...but saying "I HAVE a baby sister."

Me: Oh really? What's your sister's name?

Her: Brother! My sister's name is Brother!

Me: Where is your sister named Brother?

Her: Him's soooo tiny. Him's the smallest!

Oh dear!

Princess for a day...or two....

Imagination knows no bounds.

a change of pace.

Some days, I'm working just to make a living. Some days I wish with all my heart that I could just stay home and snuggle with Scout and take care of things around the house and all the stuff that takes so much time that I don't have. Some times, it breaks my heart that I'm not the one teaching things to Scout and watching every new step and change under a magnifying glass. Today was one of those days. We spent most of the day together. We cuddled from 4 a.m. to 8. She went to school from nine to eleven. I made it back in time to sit with her during lunch for a little while. We finished up and headed home for an afternoon nap. We snuggled for a couple of hours and then headed out again to have a nice dinner and take care of some more errands. Just the two of us. I definitely watched her under the microscope today.

random bloggings

Just cuddled my babe to sleep. Now, time for some Pilot House Town Lake Blend and some coursework. Did I mention I'm back in school? CDA...that's Child Development Associate's certification. Yay! It's pretty interesting stuff and at this point, fairly easy. It's nice to be able to have the experience of working with children under my belt before jumping into the "why's, who's, what's and when's." It's back-asswards, but it works for me.

Tomorrow is Jay/Ashley Celebration 2010. We are going out on the town to hang with all the hipsters and see some nice Canadian music. Which reminds me, I need to go shopping. AND on that note, here's a little preview of our night....



Followed by some booty shakin' to:

All my love to you.

Four years ago, today, I married my best friend. He was the man of my dreams and the love of my life. Today he's the father of my child and the apple of my eye. I love him more than peanut butter and you KNOW that means a lot.

Happy FOURTH anniversary, JBarton. True love like yours only comes once in a lifetime. I consider myself lucky to even know you. It's earth-shattering craziness that you fell in love with me, and don't think I take that for granted for a second.

Thanks for providing for our family, working hard at home and at the office. Thank you for being the light in my darkness. Thank you for your sweet, kind heart. I'll always keep it in a safe place. All my love to you.

You got me,
A

2 bloggy blog posts in one week....you know what that means....

I've got too much time on my hands....or something.

But seriously. Have you seen how stinkin' adorable my baby girl is?

things i've loved lately...

haircuts
nice smells (http://www.lightsoutcandles.com/sc_sant.html)
the sound of the wind chimes outside my bedroom window
the creaks of the floor
cooking dinner with the family
summer winding down

Scoutings (pt. II)

"Wunner pants, wunner pants, we're on our way. To help the baby armadiwo and save da day. We're not too big and we're not too big, but we got da right stuff. GOOOO WUNNERPANTS, YAY!"

"Mommy, I wub you."

Me: Scout, do you want peas for dinner?
Scout: Ummmmmmmm, no thanks.
Me: What do you want?
Scout: Chic'n nuggets, cheese, ketchup and applesauce. Cool DUDE!

"One-a day, there was a wittle gurl. And She wub her mommy-daddy. The end! Yay!"

Scoutings

Scout has recently begun to express herself in new adorable ways. Like this one:

"Mommy and Daddy are so PROUD. My mommy and daddy are SOOOOoooo happy!"
-Best used when she has just done something adorable like used the potty or eaten all her dinner. Also adorable when used at school to tell her teachers that we are going to be so happy and proud of her for being a big girl at school.

Something that's not so cute: "Don't use your WORDS, mommy!"

Oy! You can't win them all!

I'm a gardener, baby.

Life always seems to get in the way....

of my blog postings.

of my need for sleep.

of the snooze button.

of plans made.

of plans made to avoid birthdays.


And that's just to name a few things I'm thinking at nine twenty two on a Thursday night.

Playground

I love my husband because he makes beautiful children. And beautiful videos of these beautiful children.

Playground - Canon T2i test from Full90 Productions on Vimeo.

Playground

Playground - Canon T2i test from Full90 Productions on Vimeo.

Birthday recap

It has taken me two weeks to post this because for the last two weeks, you've been waking up at 4 a.m. and wanting us to lay down in your room with you at night. You've also decided that you will no longer sleep in a crib, but prefer your floor. Anywho...

Your second birthday was perfect.



We started with breakfast at your favorite place. We had strawberry crepes and blueberry muffins and milk and hashbrowns. You dipped your muffin in ketchup and loved it.

We then ran around looking for cupcakes and balloons and the last of the party decorations (including a four foot inflatable Elmo with present and party hat). Then, we returned home in time to take a shower, get dressed (you took a nap, finally) and get ready for the party.

We woke you up from your nap when people arrived and you were shy at first. Then you saw the cupcakes and Elmo and balloons and presents and M&Ms and family and you decided to perk up.



We had cake and ice cream and sang happy birthday to you. You blew out your own candle even though mommy and daddy tried to help. You opened your own presents, even if you sat in my lap for most of it. (Your favorite thing to say during present opening was "it scare me." or "it's not scary.")



You are the cutest babe to walk the face of this planet....and we get to see you grow and change for yet another fun-filled year!

Happy Birthday Baby (v2.0)

Two years. Two. TWO! WHOLE! YEARS!!

To say that I am having trouble finding the words is a complete and total understatement. I cannot believe that it has been two years since I saw your tiny face for the first time. I can't believe that this time two years ago, we were welcoming you to the world and our biggest challenges at the time were operating on little sleep and breast feeding! Last year, you were just gaining your independence. But now, oh I think you've totally got the hang of it.

In the last year, you've grown at least a foot. You've gained a belly. You've started potty training yourself. You've learned so many new words, it's hard to keep track of what you know now. You've started a new preschool. Your very first preschool. You spent an entire summer swimming in the pool and the lake by our house. You've made new friends. You've read all the books from your first birthday party at least a hundred times. You've celebrated your first Christmas at our house. You've celebrated your first New Year's Eve with Marmi and Papa. You've seen your first snow. You've ridden your first bike. You've thrown your first fit while visiting Santa Claus. You've become insane about animals, shapes, colors, numbers and letters, Yo Gabba Gabba's Party in your City,airplanes, Christmas trees, water, shopping, riding in daddy's green car, bath time friends, Ducky, Baby Stella, Princess Zooey, your cousins, and babies (real ones).

You are weening from the binky, but still prefer it at night. You've started asking us to stay in your room until you fall asleep (which your daddy does without question, and with great delight). Your favorite time is the morning, because you get to ask your favorite question: "GOOD MORNING MOMMY!!!! How are you today??!? Good!"

With your laughter, you can pick me up when I've had a hard day. With your sweet kisses and hugs, you can melt my heart. Oh, the funny, funny faces you make; you can make my sides split with laughter. When you sing your songs, you make me want to clap and dance. Your enthusiasm for mess reminds me to be a kid sometimes. And your imagination shows me a side of myself I left behind a long time ago.

I love seeing you play with other kids or by yourself or with your daddy. You guys "play kitchen" almost every day since Christmas when Santa Claus brought you your very first wooden kitchen (complete with all the wooden accessories ever needed for a wooden kitchen, thanks Santa).

I can't wait to celebrate this beautiful day with you and I look forward to what you will bring us in the next year.

You are the best thing we've ever done.

All our love,
Mommy and Daddy

Happy Valentine's Day!

I LOVE YOU!

Love

Merry Christmas....

and why not eat snickerdoodles and fudge and hot cocoa for breakfast?!

A walk in the park...

We woke up early. We felt good. We felt well rested. We decided we wanted to do something with our day. We wanted to spend time out in the great outdoors and not cooped up in the house. We wanted to show Scout some things she's not seen before. So, we decided to pack a picnic and a stroller and go to McKinney Falls and look at the foliage.



She listened to the airplanes that flew overhead. She listened to the birds in the trees. She listened to the leaves as they blew across the path. She listened to the wind in the trees. She listened to the water as it flowed in the creek. She listened to the children swimming in the falls.



She watched the puppies play in the park. She watched the families as they walked down the path. She watched her mom scream with excitement and surprise after almost stepping on two snakes. She watched her daddy explain that snakes are our friends and we shouldn't be afraid of them.



We taught her things. We read to her. We showed her primrose and cactus. We stopped and looked at ferns. We stopped and looked at Juniper trees. We watched the snakes cross the path and hissssssssssed at them. We showed her the brown leaves and the orange leaves and the red and yellow ones.



We discussed birch trees and I told him the story about the birch tree that was in my childhood neighbor's yard. And how much I loved them. He told me he wants to take walks with her more often like this, so he can impart in her the wisdom and confidence that came with growing up in the country with a dad who knew what kinds of grass and plants were growing where and what was edible and what is not. He wants her to know what a prickly pear cactus fruit tastes like. He wants her to not squeal when she almost steps on a snake, but be brave like he is. Maybe someday.

Pretty music for you.

Gorgeous stop-motion too.

Phrases that have come out of my husband's mouth today that make me laugh.....

"Peekaboo we're gonna play peekaboo, peeakabo I'm gonna find you, find you. Where's BROBEEEEEEE? "

"I like this meal because it's our ONE uniquely secret recipe."

"the return to innocence...remember that song? Wasn't it SOOO cool? man...no good songs like THAT have come out lately."

"OMG Brooke Burke just retweeted my blog post. Does that make me really cool?"

20 months + a few days

My how quickly she grows.


How clearly she speaks.


How wonderful she is.

Letting her walk ahead....

Wait for me! No? Ok....

Thanks ACL fest....

While many of you are complaining about the mud, and losing focus in the rain...let's remember what it was really about. THE MUSIC. Just to give you a peek at what we discovered this year at ACL, here's some music from the Avett Brothers. Amazing stuff. Their musical aptitude is as impressive as their lyrics...and I hope you love them as much as I do.

These three songs are my favorites. For the lyrics, for the melodies and the harmonies, for the feeling that I get when I listen to them, for the dance moves my daughter makes to these songs AND....for the times when Scout says "MOMMY! PIANO! LOOK! SEE!" when she hears this music.









I love the way they sing about their family and friends... ("I wanna have pride like my mother has,And not like the kind in the bible that turns you bad.And I wanna have friends that I can trust,that love me for the man I’ve become and not the man that I was.")

...but specifically, I love they way they speak about their mom. "That woman has eyes that shine like a pair of stolen, polished dimes." and the kicker from "Murder in the City..."

"...Always remember there was nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name..."

POST EDIT: The last song, I just added...is awesome. It's one of those songs that is really TWO songs in one. A beautiful piano melody for the first 2 and 1/2 minutes, then a great fast-paced jam in the middle. Have a listen...if you have nothing better to do at the moment. OR, if you just need some music in the background.

The good, the bad, and the just plain ugly....

The good:
Sense of feeling good about myself
OMG, the getting ready for work the night before. I love that I go to bed every night with ironed clothes and bags packed.
The car time with the family
Getting up and starting my day early
Socialization for Scout and for myself
I teach things to babies! It's my JOB. I know, right?
Lots of getting out around town and discovering new things with Scouty
Seeing Scout learning things. She counted herself to sleep tonight. She's 20 months old. Genius. I know.
Breakfast every day.
A paycheck


The bad:
Waking up at 5:22 every morning! And I mean actually GETTING UP OUT OF BED. I know, it's crazy. Not to mention the mornings when Scout wakes up an hour early (yAY!)


The ugly:
Scout was bit on day 2. But this happens! The next day, the same person who bit her ran up and hugged her and kissed her when she walked in the door. :D

Feeling good...

From where I was a month ago, I can truly say...I'm feeling better. I'm tired as heck, but man...I'm feeling good.

I know, I know....

It's been like a year since I've updated with anything interesting. But hey! I've been busy! Started work (I KNOW?!) and have been incredibly busy getting into a routine. It's hard work, but I'm loving the fact that I'm all about getting ready for Monday morning on Sunday afternoon.

Scout starts her first day tomorrow. I can't believe it. It's going to be life changing for her and for us. We are so excited for this big step in her little life. I've just come back from a shopping extravaganza with my grandmother. I bought five pairs of khakis and two new pairs of shoes for work. :D I'm all set. Scout is getting her lunchbox today (daddy is shopping at Wanderland for a Laptop Lunch just her size). After that, it's all up to labeling, and packing her little bag with loveys, extra clothes, diapers and wipes. Oh wow....this is big.

Things I like.

Vera Neumann linens
Antique/Vintage dinnerware
Vintage or vintage/mod inspired furniture
Mod prints
anthropologie.com
modcloth.com
original art
our inherited collection of napkin rings
candle light dinners (when it's pizza/sandwiches/foie gras)
our green chair
other people's gardens
old books

to be continued...

Whoa there, horsey.

So yesterday was fun, wasn't it?
Kanye apologized to Taylor...Jessica Simpson's dog was eaten by a dingo and I had a mental melt down about returning to work. haha.

Oh, I kid...But thank you to some great friends who helped rationalize my anxieties and encourage me in my decision.

And to the greatest husband in the world...thanks for being my rock and my never-failing, ever-encouraging, ever-loving best friend. We make a great team.

Sometimes I just need you to shut up and be supportive.

So, I'm thinking about going back to work. And my anxiety over this situation is forcing me to make pro/con lists, eat excessive amounts of chocolate and read manuals and websites on childcare.

It's not the workday that scares me or the pursuit of a new endeavor for myself. I know I'll be fine and I actually am excited about the potential I see before me.

Problem is, now I have a child to think about. I have to worry about her well-being in the hands of others. I have to worry about what she'll be learning from her classmates and the lessons she'll bring home from her caregivers. I dread the moment she asks for her teacher instead of her mommy. I fear a backlash in her skills and knowledge.

But, the things I fear the most are.... the opinions of the masses. I'm frightened to death of hearing phrases like "well, she was such a sweet girl before you started her in daycare" or "smarter" or "healthier."

For all those moms out there who've had to face this same situation and have done so successfully, please...please...please offer me some advice. I'm afraid to google search things like "pros and cons of childcare" for fear of the inevitable panic attack with WILL ensue.

How do you justify putting your child in childcare? How do you justify keeping your child at home? How do you justify anything you do, any decision you make?

This, too, shall pass....right?

09/11/09

I wake up. I watch the husband leave for work. I make the baby's breakfast. I turn on the news. I turn off the news. I turn on Good Morning America. I make eggs sunny-side-up. I make coffee. I make toast with butter and strawberry preserves. I watch the special report at the Pentagon. I watch Gates and Obama give speeches. I can't avoid it. It's the eighth anniversary of a very sad day. A day that forever changed our beliefs, our practices, our rules and regulations. A day that shook this nation to the core and showed us what we are really made of. A day where we all feel a little bit more like a brotherhood and a little less like an extremely bipartisan citizenship. I turn off the lights, and make it a little bit darker in here. I feel the lump in my throat that started in my stomach and has worked it's way up. Is it raining everywhere this morning? Even Scout sits quietly on a pillow and watches the memorial at the Pentagon. Isn't it strange to mourn for something you've never seen, for people you've never met and situations you don't fully understand? In 2007, seven months pregnant, I made my first visit to NYC. Six years after 9/11, I still didn't feel comfortable making a visit to Ground Zero. It was too hard. It was too much to remember. I wanted to avoid it.
In 2001, my brother shot into my room at our college apartment in Bryan. He ran in and said, "you've got to come see this. You won't even believe what's happened." He was on the phone with my mother. I still remember what cell phone he had. We sat on our couch and watched as the reports that a plane had run into the Twin Towers. Half asleep, I selfishly commented "does this mean we don't have school today?" In all honesty, I thought it was a fire in one of the towers on our campus at first (half asleep) glance. Then it happened. Right before our eyes...and the eyes of the entire world. The second plane hit the South tower. Then, the Pentagon. Then the field in Pennsylvania. Then, they fell.
We didn't know anyone in New York. The closest we came to the attacks that day was a story that my grandparents had had dinner in the restaurant at the top of the tower only weeks before. We knew someone who knew someone who was related to someone who died in the attacks. And still we mourned. We cried. We grieve to this day. It is something that has forever marked us. It is something we witnessed. The first of truly traumatic events in our young adult lives.
For the first couple of years, we stopped. We stood still. We had moments of silence. We gasped, "I can't believe it's been two years, three years, four years..." We waited for action. We waited for memorials. We waited for explanation. We waited to see what would happen next.
Now, eight years later...I still try to avoid the news. I try to avoid the posts on blogs and the posts in my updates on twitter and facebook. I try to put on a brave face and not feel everything I felt on that day, watching those towers crumble into the clouds of dust. But again, I've been drawn like a moth to the flame. I say to myself, "there's no reason to feel so sad. There's no reason to cry. There's no reason to remember." But there is. Sure, it's not felt as strongly as those who were there. But, I think it does a tremendous disservice to avoid it. To write it off. To not think about it. To not remember.
So, today...I'm thinking about those who lost their loved ones on that day, and the days that followed.

Our first....

#2 in the potty! A BM! A Poo!



Ok...this growing up stuff is awesome.

Because she likes to do things herself...

Ms. Independent gets handed a spoon and some yogurt....after I cover her highchair in plastic splash mats. Oh, and there's some rubbing-yogurt-in-hair-action, too.

Best bubble bath in the world....

...happens to be a body wash. And here it is. It's 98% from natural origins. It's hypoallergenic. It's biodegradable, is packaged in 100% recyclable material and the company who produces it makes at least $100K in donations to the WWF (World Wildlife Fund, not the other "WWF").

Its scent of rosemary and mint will relax and energize you and just a teensy little cap-full of this stuff will make the bubbles go higher than your head (in a garden-size tub, no less!)! We love to keep this stuff next to the tub, but it also is a great body wash.

You can pick it up at local grocery stores for about $7 or you can pick it up by the case (WOW!) for around $45.


Better dash...the kid is wearing her potty on her head.