The way 3 yr olds understand pregnancy

We've been trying to give Scout an age-appropriate and somewhat realistic view of what's going to happen in the next few months.  I think it's sinking in. She was playing (refusing to clean up her toys) before bedtime tonight and ran into her room with an "OH MY GOODNESS! Mommy! The baby came out of your tummy and is playing with all my toys!"  To which, Jay explained that the baby wouldn't "be coming out of mommy's tummy for quite some time. Because the baby needs to grow. And mommy's tummy is going to grow. Want to see what that looks like?" 

So we pulled up the pictures of my pregnancy with Scout (there are few and yes, the quality is this bad, and no, I didn't wear make up for these). We showed her this one (as to not traumatize her with the very biggest tummy picture).

Then we showed her this one. 

Then, this one.



That's when Scout said "OH NO! What if she POPS?!" Then we all fell over on the floor from laughing. 

I've been feeling a little bit more sick since last week. Yesterday was NOT a good day.  I couldn't look at anything without wanting to throw up. So when Scout asked for lunch....I trucked over to the kitchen (a room seldom visited in the last couple of days by my body)....opened the fridge, and tried to bribe her with a bowl of cereal. Nuh-uh. No way, mom. So I found some spaghetti sauce and decided to make some pasta. As I was waiting for the water to boil, I leaned against the fridge. Scout saw this and came in and this is what happened:

"What are you doing, mom?"

"Trying not to throw up or pass out." 

"Oh no, you're not going to throw up AGAIN! You'll throw up the baby!" 

Yeah...I think she's totally getting it.

Tonight she hugged me and said "Mom. You know what? Your jellies are getting bigger."

Kids. They don't lack brutal honesty. 

Things that break your heart

Scout has been telling me that she wants to be a little baby again. I think it's because we've been showing her the ultrasound pictures when she was in my tummy. We are trying to prep her for what she's going to see at our u/s this Monday. 

 Now, she's told me this before. I think I even blogged about it. But this time, it was SO sad. She crawled in my lap tonight, all snuggly in her new fleece footy pjs. She closed her eyes tight and said "I wish, I wish that I could be a baby again." The girl then held her hand out in front of her face and asked "Am I smaller, mommy?"

Trying to make light of the situation, I grabbed her hand and inspected it thoroughly for about two minutes and then said, "I'm afraid you're getting bigger with every minute." 

She cried out in protest, but there was nothing to be done. I wrapped my arms around her and told her the only thing I knew would calm her down (like so many moms around the world, for ages and ages have done). 

"No matter how big you get...you'll always be my little baby." 

random funnies from the 3 year old

Scout has been very descriptive about how things taste lately. If she doesn't like it, she says it "tastes like cashews, nuts, or peanut butter." This is because we've told her that she can't have anything that has these components since she is really allergic. If she likes the way something tastes, she says it "tastes like honey!"

Scout told me I was a genius after I made her some mummy sandwiches (hotdogs wrapped up in crescent roll dough to look like mummies). She said something like "HOW did you make these? You are SO genius."

After her productive evening of trick-or-treat, she sat down in the living room, surrounded by candy and threw her arms in the air saying "Let's have a CELEBRATION!" So we gathered together on the floor and she passed out candy to everyone and said "let's enjoy!" Jay brought his wallet and "bought candy" from her. He gave her a dollar for every two pieces of candy she gave him. Soon, she had four dollars and was excited to go to the pharmacy to buy a Minnie Mouse junior laptop she's had her eye on for a month. Jay pulled out his next bill and it was a ten dollar bill- easily worth three pieces of candy! Between the candy sale and us taking the peanut butter/peanut candies from her, she was still left with a few pieces of candy to enjoy for all of her hard work and excellent manners.

She has randomly started a new habit of trying to chew on her hair. I remember doing the same thing when I was a kid. So funny to see those habits surface in your children. And also, gross.

The morning after Halloween, Scout tried to negotiate her way into some candy for breakfast. She tried every excuse in the book. When that failed, she went for the sneak....she said "mom, just put that blanket on your head and don't peek!" Then she climbed up on her step stool and tried to reach the bowl of candy on top of the shelf. That didn't work either, in case you were wondering. Sometimes she reminds me of my brother so much. He probably totally tried the same thing as a kid.

She's always keeping us on our toes!

looking back, Halloween

I've been being nostalgic today, looking at pictures of Scout's first Halloween and comparing them to this year. Here's my favorite pumpkin patch picture from Halloween 2008. This was taken at the Elgin Christmas Tree Farm, where we also used to get our Christmas trees every year. We loved taking this trip with family to the little farm and seeing the animals, finding the pumpkins, and bouncing along on the hayrides. 

And here is my favorite shot from this year's pumpkin patch. Scout and I drove up with friends Jennifer and Cashel to visit this farm just outside of Los Angeles. It was a gorgeous day, and the kids had so much fun. I was worried that we were going to have to take her to one of those sad little pumpkin patches they put in a parking lot. Thank goodness for good friends who know the secrets about raising kids in the city, and day trips to outside the city.

Another day, another U/S

Went to the doctor today. Dr. J has been out of office this week, and so I've been seeing his associate, Dr. S. She is great, also (duh). She LOVES Scout. She entertains her and talks to her and listens to her stories about Mario Bros., Halloween costumes, and her imaginary friends. It is pretty much the best feeling ever to have the doctor walk in the room and get more excited about the kid than the client. Seriously. 

So, results of the U/S were this: follies are growing, but not at an enormous rate. They are going to bring me in again (probably on Friday, when Dr. J will be back) for another U/S and then evaluate whether or not I need shots. Keep your fingers crossed for no shots, because those suckers are ESPENSIVE, Lucy. 

Plus, who likes giving themselves shots in the stomach? Not this lady! 

In other news, Scout is being her darling self. She helped bake a pizza last night...even rolled out the dough. It was shaped like Oklahoma and had lots of cheese and broccoli on it. Then today, she helped me make pumpkin spice muffins. She loves cooking and projects. She also helped me make some button crafts that I'll show you later..b/c (ShHHHHh!) they are Christmas presents! 

Also, have you seen the website FuckYeahRyanGosling.tumblr.com yet? Because it's amazing. Sorry mom for the curse word. But it is hilarious. And he's such a little hottie. I hope I run into him at Whole Foods one day. Okeydokey, gotta go...getting all that laundry done that I've been talking about for days. 

Feeling chipper today...I think it's the coffee.

POST EDIT: Dr. J will see us on Monday, the 24th. LH testing starts on the 22nd. 

the fizzle after the pop

That title is how you could describe my mood over the last two days. Pretty much. I don't know what it is. I was feeling so positive at the end of the week and heading into the weekend. I've been working really hard to focus on the positive in every day. I guess I wasn't doing that last month...because in focusing on the happy, I've found the contrast. 

And yes, that precious three year old in the other room is my constant reminder to laugh, bounce, and be crazy. And yes, depression is a side effect (supposedly) of Clomid. And yes, it doesn't help that my face looks like a pre-pubescent's. I'm in a frump. I can't place my finger on it, but something feels "off." 

Scout and I got out of the house today and ran errands. We went to Trader Joe's for some groceries, the bank for some rolled coin (or lollipops, depending on who you ask), and to the park to get some outside play time. I'm enjoying seeing her blossom as the time goes by here in Cali. It's been a slow process, but has been fun to see her play it out in her own time. 

There's the silver lining I've been looking for. 

Late night

All day today I've been feeling crampy. Apparently it's a side effect of the Ovidrel shot that Doc J's nurse gave me. Ovulation hurts, apparently? Even though it takes about 36 hours for ovulation to occur after the injection...so technically, i suppose the crampy feelings I've been having today could be from the Follistim I gave myself last night. Either way, let it be documented...crampy (new word, I'm the best).

 Scout and Jay have been at all of my appointments. She's been great for comic relief and helping me to stay focused on the meaning of this process. She is a constant reminder at what we are aiming for...another joyful, hilarious, amazing, totally precious child. Today was the first day she realized that I was getting treatment.

When the nurse came in with the injection, she offered to let me inject myself. I politely refused and Scout asked the nurse "Are you going to give her that shot?" The nurse said "yes, are you afraid of shots?" Scout replied with one of her usual anecdotes of "when I was a baby, I used to get shots." And then she said the most hilarious thing: "I wanna watch!" Jay is holding her in his lap and turning his head to the wall, and our brave 3 year old wants to see her momma in pain! Could not have asked for a more hilarious diversion.

 Today is (was?) my dad's birthday. :D Scout said she was going to buy him a bird house....so I guess I better get on that. Have I mentioned how I'm the worst at getting gifts to people on time. I still haven't sent my mom her birthday present. Will probably give it to her when she comes to SaMo next week. Oy, I'm the worst. Also, a happy birthday shout-out to my twinkie, Nicole. She's my sister-from-another-mister (and missus). We met at Freshman orientation and have been buddies ever since. So, happy 30th to her! 

Tomorrow at 3:00 is our first attempt at IUI. Please keep us in your thoughts at that time (5pm Texas Time). I'm really anxious.

Well, to bed. To rest. I think I have to go wake up Jay and have him move to our room....as I can hear him and Scout having a Snorefest in her room. Goodnight, all!

goodnight

Last night, I was putting Scout to bed. She'd been bathed, read to, had her glass of milk and teeth brushed. She asked me to crawl into bed with her, and I did. As we lay with our heads on the pillows, she propped her chin up and said "So, what's your name?" I decided to play along and this is what she said.

Me: My name is mommy. What's your name?

Scout: OH! Great name! My name is "Fairy."

Me: Nice to meet you, Fairy.

Scout: So, do you have a problem?

Me: No, do you have a problem.

Scout: Yeah. My sister won't stop making sounds. She's like "SHhhhahehshhshshsssssssssssss."

Me: Oh my, well...did you try telling her "Please be quiet?"

Scout (flips over to other side): Sister, PLEASE be quiet?" (flips back over): Nope, that didn't work. She's so loud. I think she's asleep.

the prequel

so this is the night before our first clomid/iui cycle begins. the calm? before the storm? Things I'm going to do in the next five days:
1. Take Clomid, 50 ml, once a day.
2. Rest as much as possible, during the day and at night.
3. Probably cry a little.
4. Try to control my temper/irrational hormonability. I just made that word up and I LIKE it.
5. Meditate on good, peaceful, happy thoughts.
6. Cross my fingers. and toes.

p.s.: How ADORBS is my sweetie in her handpicked outfit? She wanted to wear her new "Flowery jacket" over her green "dress" and her pants. WITH the HK sneakers. love her. love her. love her.

Interview your three year old, again.

After her begging for some delicious cocoa, made just like on Fireman Sam.

"Scout, what's cocoa?"

"It's a drink for putting marshmallows in it. It tastes like coffee. AND strawberries! And you drink it up and it makes you toasty. It's black."

Now that we have that all figured out...

Sunday, funday

Oh ya know...just hanging out with Scout, watching the VMAs.

And by "scout," I mean "rapunzel."

And by "VMAs," I mean "Lilo and Stitch."

Life as a mom is SOOOO glam.

It's like 24/7 glam.

Interview your 3 yr old.

Hey Scout, what happens when you get married?

You get some flowers. And they go all in your hair. And then, you eat birthday cake. And you put your crowns on. And you get more flowers. And everyone gets some. And you throw some flowers. And you kiss. But I'm not going to kiss. I'm just going to get married. All I have to do is not kiss.

(This question prompted by her telling me that Piglet and Eeyore were married because they went down the slide together)

bedtime

holy moly, there is full-fledged 13 yr. old "you ruined it!" cryelling happening in this house.

cryelling---just made that one up. but you know what it means.

Scoutings (pt. III)

Things she's said lately:

While in the bathtub--"I need you to bring me something with more life in it. It has three points like a triangle."

After wiping off excessive amounts of lip gloss---"Awww. I'm not BEAUTIFUL anymore!"

While walking to the soccer game---"Geez MOM!"

The things we wish for.

"Be careful what you wish for!" I remember hearing that phrase throughout my childhood with various intent. It was used as a parental threat after empty teenage angst-y threats. It was used as a warning for the potential of getting adverse results of a wish truly realized.

Even as an adult, we think to ourselves, "I wish..." But, we should be careful what we wish for.

I can't tell you the number of nights I wished Scout could soothe herself to sleep without my having to be right next to her. Never to the extent of that now infamous "parenting book" that shall not be named here...but I always thought it must be nice that Jay got that hour or so of solidarity every night while Scout and I battled it out before peaceful sleep.

Now that we are at that point in her development, I am mourning those nights when we would lie down and talk about our favorite part of the day; when we would snuggle until one or both of us drifted off to sleep. I hug her even more during the day than I used to. I ask her to snuggle with me on the couch in the afternoons and in the morning when she wakes up, she crawls into our bed and cuddles silently for a few minutes.

Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it...

Time apart

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I'm not sure about that, but I know that the absence of my friends and family seems to bring a sort of longing in my heart that can be tangible pain at times. The hardest part of this new endeavor thus far has been the missing of family and friends.

This weekend, I was able to reverse the day-to-day and spend time with my besties and away from my husband and daughter. The excitement of spending two whole days with my friends with undivided attention plus TexMex seemed almost too much to bear. Then, just two days before I was set to return to the land of scorching heat and humidity, the parental guilt kicked in. I felt horrible for leaving J&S and knew I would be missing them the entire time I was gone.

That didn't stop me from having an excellent time.

But it did make for some really conflicting moments of internal dialogue standing in security checkpoints. I almost felt sorry for the guard in Houston who asked me how my day was. I almost came apart standing in front of him--not what he asked for that day when he clocked in, I'm sure. I cried from the minute we arrived at the airport until almost two hours into my flight. I couldn't help it. I missed my friends, and wanted to smuggle them onboard with me.

I love our life here in Cali. I love this incredible opportunity we've been given, but if I could have my friends here, it would be perfect. I'm looking forward to making new connections here with new friends and old.

On another note, while I was gone....someone started going to bed by herself, using the word "Ye-ah" (think flava-flave) and somehow, her hair got curlier. How much fun did they have while Mom was out of the house?! Pirate baths, playdates, new parks explored and bagel Sunday! Luckies!

Fashion Files

Scout has developed an ecclectic fashion sense in the last couple of months. Dressing up used to be her favorite past-time. Now, literally dressing herself, is one of her favorite activities in our day. She loves accessories...hats, necklaces, scarfs, and shoes...this girl loves them all. Here are some recent pictures, in various formats.

Happy Father's Day....

To all the daddies out there. And especially to the one of this girl:

Without whom, I don't know what I'd do.

Hi! Happy Friday!

Anyone else dying to know what Natalie Portman named her baby boy? Just me? Ok...



Yeah, ok...it's none of our business. I can imagine being in the spotlight...how I'd want to protect my newborn child as much as I could from the world of paparazzi, red carpets and gossip mags.

On another note...how did my house get to be such a mess this week without me even noticing? Oh yeah....her!

From

Checking things off the list...